2003-11-05 SvsG Emails
04:56 Lynne to Nick
|From:||"Homeless Task Force" <email@example.com>|
|Subject:||Re: where do you want the check?|
|Date:||Wed, 05 Nov 2003 04:56:04 +0000|
Thanks for sending the check right away. It hasn't arrived yet, but I'm sure it will get here tomorrow if it was mailed on Saturday.
|Responses to other issues:
I appreciate that you are trying not to hate me, but you don't seem to be trying very hard to work towards a solution. As a counselor you must surely be aware that when someone requests mediation on a subject, it is not an attempt to evade responsibility but rather an attempt at open communication. I have waited and waited for you to suggest a time for mediation, at my invitation and on terms highly favorable to you; I have passed the limit of my patience on that option.
I understand that you felt that your offer was reasonable and that the terms were generous. If I remember, you offered to split the costs of the mediation and to cover the costs out of the Red House account and we could just "owe" you for our part.
You were the one who decided that you were not willing to sit down and talk about things. So why should we have to pay any portion of costs to have someone try to facilitate our conversations?
Shortly after you became surgically joined at the hip with Sandy... our whole relationship changed. Instead of dealing with things like friends and human beings... You began treating our relationship as one that was merely an interference in your relationship. You also started using emails and interactions that you had with others as a stage to justify your abandonment of commitments that you made to us and anyone else that interfered with your all encompassing relationship with Sandy and the children. You called it "Taking your life back..." You began using us as scape-goats to avoid accepting responsibility for your short-comings and living up to your agreementw and getting others to "be on your side" when your side was the only one you offered up.... unless, of course, you offered up "your version" of our side... which I'm sure was as lame as you painted us.
At first you minimized our contributions and maximized our shortcomings... while maximizing your contributions and minimizing your shortcomings. As time went on, things only got worse on that level. We have come to question your honesty with yourself as well as others... and though we still care about you in a big way.... we do not trust you. It's hard enough to hear the things that you rattle off to us (in hopes to impress your trusted on-lookers)... I cannot imagine having to pay for you to carry on this charade to yet another level. I'm not saying this to be mean. I'm just being honest about how I feel.
|Nonetheless, we have some final entanglements to settle.
Any discussions we may have over those entanglements must be on a level playing field
My solution to this dilemma was mediation; you have declined to take advantage of that offer.
So: any further discussions will be in print, preferably via email, with the understanding that I will be sending copies to third parties whose opinions I value. You may of course do the same, with my full approval. Any suggestions from members of either of our distribution groups are welcome and I will do my best to listen to them, as should you.
It seems to me that this is the *last* hope for any kind of mutually agreeable settlement, as we do not seem to have been able to reach any kind of understanding on several key points despite repeated discussions.
I agree that an email discussion could be constructive, to a point. I would, however, be reluctant to attempt to accomplish a whole lot before year's end. This is a very busy time of year, for me, and email discussions are very time consuming. I fought over this before, when you insisted that you didn't want to talk on the phone, even when we were on good terms... and that I should write endlessly while you talked on the phone with Tigger or Sandy... and made short cutsie answers to the parts of the email that you chose to address while avoiding anything that was difficult, altogether.
At this time... I'm willing to try to work through the logistics of the issues of the storage and the moving of the Benz...and the piano. I see the next step as each of us writing 1)what we see as the agreements made between us... 2) The problems as we see them, and 3) solutions we see as necessary and realistic steps that can be taken to resolve the issues...
It may, however, be a while before I am able to complete such a task. I would be willing to work on it in between other tasks until it is done.
|** Just to be clear at this point: Although I have heard some of your grievances, to which I have responded below, I am assuming that this is not a complete list. I'm not sure I really understand what you *want* from me at this point (aside from getting the last of my stuff out of your way and excusing your debt), nor have I set down a more or less complete list of my requests to you. I was planning to do that in mediation; since the mediation isn't happening, I will have to collect my records and get back to you. **|
Just to be clear, from our standpointâ€¦ We are clear that it doesnâ€™t matter what we want. You seem to be calling the shots on so many thingsâ€¦ We do not owe you money so we do not expect you to "excuse" a debt we do not owe. While you are collecting your recordsâ€¦ please complete the columns that are marked "incomplete."
|Neff / deadlines:
I do wish you had chosen to inform me what you had told Neff, either before the deadline or in response to my many emails and letters to you when we were planning to visit (which were not answered at all, to the best of my recollection). I can hardly be held accountable for missing a deadline I wasn't aware of and which you chose not to mention on any of several appropriate opportunities, and you must also know that your insistence that I make an appointment before visiting to access the trailer has of necessity slowed down and generally hindered my efforts to remove my property from it.
I told you that we were planning to return the containers by the end of July. You said you could not possibly get your stuff out by then and asked if we could extend the time. We agreed and you said you had to extend it againâ€¦ and again. I told you that we really needed this to be handled and that it would be best if you could do it all at once. You said that it was also in your best interest to get it all out and that you might have to go past the 1st of September but that if you didâ€¦ youâ€™d definitely have it out by October 1st. Neff, who had been put on notice that we would be relinquishing the units long agoâ€¦ was expecting to pick them up, for real, on the 2nd or 3rd of October. They actually came out prepared to move themâ€¦ We told them your stuff was still in the 3rd trailer but that they could move the othersâ€¦ They said that they would want to move the 3rd one first so that we should call and let them know after youâ€™d come on the 17thâ€¦ There was no need to argue the point when you didnâ€™t come. Your reasons seemed legitimate enough and refusing the check for October would have been stupidâ€¦ where your stuff was still in there and the unit still had to be paid forâ€¦ Same with Novemberâ€¦ my reminder that Neff was planning to take them back was simply thatâ€¦ This whole thing has been an extension of something we said needed to end prior to August and we were very clear about that.
THIS IS THE END OF PART ONE OF MY RESPONSE. TO BE HONEST, IF I HAD THIS MUCH TIME AVAILABLE TO WRITEâ€¦ Iâ€™D WRITE A BOOKâ€¦ Iâ€™VE SEVERAL ON HOLDâ€¦ WAITING FOR TIME TO COMPLETE THEMâ€¦ Iâ€™LL FINISH MY RESPONSE IN THE NEXT DAY OR SOâ€¦
The quoted excerpts are from my long email of 11/1. Note that she doesn't answer any of my questions. I tried to get information which would help me pick up my stuff, and she basically berated me for taking so long and then didn't have time to answer any of the questions.
Also, I don't remember being told about Neff expecting to pick up the trailers. I did tell her that if she wanted me out of the trailer by a certain date, she should send me an eviction notice (see 2003-07-14 SvsG Emails); I never received any such thing, or even anything which seemed to be giving me the same information in less formal terms (I will have to go back and reread). I knew Neff was chomping at the bit, but not that anything was going to happen yet.