1999-06-28 Woozle thots

1999.06.28

• status: it's Monday

Woke up with a horrible headache this morning -- I guess I should have had more than two slices of pizza last night, but I have acquired this odd idea that I should try to get my weight down below 170 (since 170 feels so much better than 180, I reason to myself, wouldn't 160 be even nicer? Yeah, and maybe zero would be Nirvana. Hah.), so I stopped with I didn't feel hungry anymore. (Beeg meestake, seenyor.)

Took 3 extra-large aspirin, drove to work, then took a Hydrocodone. An hour and a half later, my head still hurts but it's manageable; the well-known (to me, anyway) False Sense of Well-Being (FSoWB) makes that little bit not matter so much.

The FSoWB has been an interesting discovery for me. Supposedly Hydrocodone makes you drowsy; me it makes gabby and even slightly hyper, which is a very odd state for me. Words flow easily. I want to explain everything I know about whatever subject comes to mind. I have no fear of inserting myself in social situations because I won't get to the point of not being able to respond fast enough. (Am I stupider or smarter or something else? I can't tell.)

And that last part I find especially fascinating. It reveals that I do have within me the capability for normal human interation (one of my first thoughts when I first noticed the effect was "Oh, this must be what it feels like to be normal."). By contrast, it also strongly inplies that there's something dragging me down the rest of the time. What would I be now if I hadn't been held back verbally (and hence socially) all these years? ...And what is that something, and is there any way of ditching it more permanently (without, say, becoming addicted to Hydrocodone)?