Woozle/Jenny/note/009
Transcript
- Nov 23, 1980
Dear M.P.W.W.S.T.O.B.P.O.P.A.P.T.I.P.L.,
*referring to Sat. night I am no great help am I?* As to Saturday in Egypt, I found myself coming out of it knowing less about you than you do about me. I now know your stand on drugs and the like. I feel an awful amount of resentment toward society and those people. I could sense your fear of not being in control, I feel it too.
I do know more about you than I did before. The very fact that you came told me a lot.
While we were talking, I didn't feel awkward – because you didn't. (?) (Oh BOSH! Here I am again not knowing what I feel.)
But I came out of the "meeting" knowing more about you. Things I couldn't put into words. But I think I have a better feeling about you, and of you.
Yes, you embarrass me. Read what I wrote in that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you. I don't [know] why I am so fussy about material things – I just am. Yes, the bike bugs me. You do walk don't you? Your legs go back and forth and all?
I'm just a social-minded, aristocratic, stuck-up snob who can't be seen with anyone that makes her appear less so than she wants to appear.
Yes Nick, everything I told you is true if you have any doubt. Maybe the way I said them wasn't
I DON'T KNOW!
I told you the worst possible things about my family. Why? Was I being dramatic?
I'll tell you one thing. I came out of there feeling as though I had done what I needed to do. I went in with things I had in my mind to say and I said them. I felt you had a right to know.
Oh, by the bye, "fat face" was none other than a psychologist. That's why I had fits when you told me what your dad does. If there's anything I can't stand it's a person who has a degree because you have problems. And they tend to think that they have a better idea of you than you do. I hate analysts! So I didn't work in school?*
* I have to give you my ideas Friends helps a lot. Everyone is so understanding and all. I feel the strong community there (here) that my church wants me to feel about it.
I remember now that on the night of great frustration when I couldn't get my homework done, I had had a dream.
First may I say that at one point I was having absolute fits. I was so frightened that I wouldn't get credit in this course and Mom & Dad would get worried and do something drastic – like send me to Highland, I kept asking (begging is more demeaning but truer) you to tell them that I wasn't crazy. Somehow at that moment you seemed the closest person. I was pacing back and forth and I finally collapsed on the floor next to my bed. Sometimes I get really worked up like that. I was on the verge of calling you and ask[ing] you to tell them that I wasn't out of my mind, but I did a quick turnaround like the one you witnessed in Egypt. I got ahold of myself and then got into an argument about truth with myself.
It lasted me till time to go to bed. By then I had formed no conclusion except that there is no conclusion. BUt I came up with some interesting theories.
About the dream.
* I have never had nightmares or night-horrors I never dream about things that happen right before I go to sleep. I'm safe after late night movies.* But I actually had a dream just like my earlier fear.
I remembered it in the morning and remarked on it to myself so I wouldn't forget.
I never write down my dreams the day after I had them, no matter what. (ask me about dreams & my comments thereof)
Anyway I can't remember the dream now – just that I had it. It's a good thing I thought about it because I remember remembering it.
Some[one] wanted to take me away because I wasn't well adjusted in school. "Nick, tell them I'm not crazy!" and I think you did.
Thank-you.
But I must have been really scared to dream about it.
- Nov 24, 1980
Naomi – [ something crossed out, almost legible ]
- 1980 11 06 #6 Wha? Let me read my notes.
- 1980 11 14 – the above
- my writing at the moment is not eloquent
I saw Logan's Run ...And Justice for All
lunch!
Notes
This is pretty much exactly the bike I was riding. Ours even had the "picnic bag", though I took it off most of the time because it made the bike rattle more when going over rough ground (which I did a lot).
Scans
