Phone phobia

Phone-phobia (alternate keywords: phonephobia, telephobia), is a psychological condition in which an individual experiences extreme fear or avoidance of using the telephone. In some cases, it is mainly experienced with regard to making (as opposed to receiving) phone calls, but it can also be extreme to the point where the phone-phobic is afraid even to listen to voice-mail (answering machine) messages.

Related Wiki Pages

• Phone Phobia at HTYP

Opinions

Woozle 15:58, 4 May 2005 (CDT)

My own experience has varied between these extremes; sometimes I can listen to messages, but it gets harder if I know I am behind on my work because I am afraid that the message will be reminding me of something I haven't done.

It is a problem which I have had almost as long as I can remember. I believe it is largely rooted in having a very poor short-term memory, which means that I easily forget things I am told verbally -- to the point where I will find myself completely at a loss as to what to say next in a conversation, or even whether it is my turn, or if the conversation is now over or not. In face-to-face conversations, I can often read nonverbal cues to help guide me, but these cues are almost entirely lacking in phone conversations. If the conversation were taking place in print (e.g. email or instant messaging), I could re-read what had taken place so far until it sank in, and then work out what to do; with the phone, there is no instant replay, and there is an expectation that you need to respond within a small time-window.

This problem has also been very costly to me -- not just because of missed opportunities because I couldn't make a phone call, but also because of problems dealing with people who agreed to handle phone calls for me.

Although this problem is not, as far as I know, recognized by any official psychological association, I have lost count of the number of people I have spoken with who have more or less the same problem. Some others have said that they have experienced this problem but "got over it"; after 35 years of trying to "get over it", by various means, I do not think the forceful approach works very well. (I have more to write about this, but will have to come back to it later.)

I've been trying to think of possible sources for the aversion. Here's what I've come up with:

[ 18:48, 22 May 2005 (CDT) ] I ask a question. The person on the other end says something, but it doesn't soak in -- I don't hear it, to oversimplify a bit. It can actually be physically painful (leading to intense migraine headaches) to make myself replay the sounds in my head and listen to them more carefully, or else to ask the person to repeat what they said and force my head into a mode where I can take in the information at the speed at which it is given.

[ 09:32, 18 April 2006 (EDT) ] The person on the other end says something friendly, though off-topic. If I'm in the right mood, I might be able to (a) successfully process what they said and (b) reply in kind – but if I'm not, it takes me too long (i.e. the length of the necessary pause passes the "comfort zone" and goes into the area of awkwardness if one person or the other doesn't say something) to work both of these things out, and I'm forced to either (1) ignore the diversion, (2) explicitly say something to "get back on track", (3) somehow stall for time so I can think (and try to think while doing so), or else (4) go for a very general reply in the same tone (i.e. shoot without aiming). #1 and #2 have the very unwanted effect of conveying to the other party that I prefer to be "strictly business" and possibly stand on formality. #3 sometimes works, but can be very frustrating (and leading to feelings of inadequacy) when it fails. #4 also sometimes works, but often misfires (with much the same upshot as #3).

Harena 16:11, 4 May 2005 (CDT)

I have had great difficulty pinning down just what it is that makes it so hard to make phone calls. "Fear" is what comes to mind at first. But Fear of What? Well, there's the whole, "What if the person who I'm calling has no clue who this is that is calling?" and then I have to go into lengthy explanations that make me sound idiotic. Or something. And then there is this trapped feeling. When on the phone, I can't escape. Also I can't see what the person on the other line is doing; how they are reacting to what I say. Little cues like that make me feel detached & awkward.

And maybe it's just All of the Above.

Just my humble 2 cents worth.

(there's more in there *taps on forehead* but that's all that came out at this time)

Mechamancer 15:23, 24 May 2005 (CDT)

I also have this fear. I keep having to ask people to repeat things because of the bad reception. And as said before the lack of visual clues is disturbing. I also hate the awkward silances that you get. And I always have problems starting and ending conversations. I like to pick up a thread of a conversation not start one. Plus you never know who you will talk to when you call someone. I can never rcognise peoples voices.

clappy 12:12, 25 July 2005 (AST)

Wow Woozle, you just pegged me exactly. I have spent the last 6 years working at callcenters and the like. In that time period, I have taken over 90,000 phone calls, generally lasting 6-10 minutes each. I used to hate talking on the phone because I could never recognize someone's voice, having to ask them every time. After taking that many phonecalls, I technically have the experience to take control of any telephone conversation, and yet I avoid the phone like the plague in my personal life.

I always get a sinking feeling when the phone rings. Often I won't answer it, or I'll wait until my roommate answers it instead. I also have self esteem/rejection issues that usually stop me from calling people. I wait until I am contacted so I am certain the person does want to be in my company. Thanks for sharing your stories.

SpazBomB 05:58, 16 Feb 2007 (CDT)

I am totally stunned to find I am not alone. I've had many of the symptoms shared here for over 10 years now and have been unable to call it a real phobia until now. I've even had problems convincing anyone including my family that this was actually something serious. My problem occurs when calling anyone other than a business, its an overpowering fear that the person on the other side does not want to talk to me or despises me for calling, which is reinforced by the same awkward phone issues that have been pegged down here.

At my worst I have had anxiety attacks, nausea, trembles, and sweat before being forced to make an important call that could not be resolved by a face to face talk. I am not as bad now, I spent some time outside of the US working in a situation where phone calls were a matter of work and survival, though I still have to rehearse and motivate myself a good 15 minutes prior.

I know where my phobia originated though. Back in the day before caller ID and wireless phones I had a childhood friend who would call me nearly three to five times a day and would sit on the line. I began to despise picking up the phone and wasting so much time being tied to one spot, I even began to despise him and other friends who would call. I stopped answering the phone and my parents did not want to deal with it so I became malicious leading to a series of answering machine fights with this kid. Now I am terrified that others feel the same way I do when I call them.

comment

Wow, that's interesting – especially that you can remember specifically how it started. Thinking about it, I can remember a specific incident in preschool where they had me call a bank to ask a question about currency, for my daily journal entry. What I can't remember is whether this was an attempt to break me of an existing phone-phobia, whether they were trying to break me of an existing social phobia (which was almost certainly in evidence by then) or whether they had no real idea that it would be especially hard for me.

I can also remember my dad being particularly angry about people calling at dinner-time (this was also in the day before answering machines, when not answering one's phone was considered rude and possibly dangerous – 1970s), and I remember being afraid to call other people for fear that they would be angry for similar reasons (regardless of the time of day... but how do I know what times of day they might be busy with stuff like that? Not that I take that reasoning seriously anymore, but it matches the pattern of yours – an aversion with a known cause that doesn't go away (or even gets worse) after the cause disappears.

--Woozle 21:13, 16 February 2007 (EST)

P.S. I'm lately thinking that a lot of it has to do with organizational/communicative issues I have – I often have trouble coming up with answers to relatively simple questions (in voice-realtime, anyway; in email or even IM/IRC it's not a problem because there's much less demand to keep the flow of conversation going), and I'm afraid (with justification) that this will happen in the middle of a phone call. I also know that when I do break down and actually make a vitally important call, I often feel awful for hours afterwards, even if the call went well. I'm wondering if any of these symptoms sound familiar to anyone else. -W.