Difference between revisions of "2002-09-05 SvsG Emails"
m (nav template by year) |
|||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
{{SvsG Email|2002}} | |||
=11:35 from Nick= | =11:35 from Nick= | ||
{{email header start}} | {{email header start}} | ||
Revision as of 16:41, 16 October 2005
Staddon vs. Griever: SvsG Messages: 2002
11:35 from Nick
| BCC: | harena@redhouse.com, tigger@redhouse.com |
| Message-ID: | <3D7779AB.9010106@redhouse.com> |
| Date: | Thu, 05 Sep 2002 11:35:07 -0400 |
| From: | "N. Staddon" <n@redhouse.com> |
| To: | bubba@redhouse.com |
| CC: | "Lynne G." <lynne@redhouse.com> |
| Subject: | phone convo partial answer |
Hi Bubba,
I've been mulling over our phone conversation (as promised), and here are some responses. You're probably not gonna like a lot of what I say, but I hope it counts for something that this is truly what I think ("dis is de vulcan harrt, dis is de vulcan sooul"). I've tried not to come across as accusatory or judgemental, but I seem to have a hard time avoiding that when writing to youse guys about stuff that seems important and real and true to me. But here goes...
Issue #1: returning today, or at any rate in time to help you with moving your stuff out.
Lately, I've been trying to make choices and decisions for my own reasons rather than because I'm afraid of what someone will do or say if I make the "wrong" choice (according to them). Making choices based on fear has got me 10 years of marriage (and you know the relevant details of that), a kid I wasn't ready for*, a piano I wouldn't have bought for myself under any circumstances at that price, a mixing board (the big one) I didn't need/want under those particular circumstances, equipment I never had time to use because the debt they forced me into took away the time I should have had to use them, Chris Cox and "Cox-Staddon Enterprises"... There may be other large examples, but those are the ones that spring to mind.
[ * well yes, who _could_ be prepared for Anna ;-), but I had prerequisites in my head long ago for what would have to be in place before I would have a kid -- and none of those things were in place at the time. ]
So, going on the theory that I shouldn't need to be afraid of the people I'm in business with, I am making my own evaluation of the situation and basing my decision on that.
You don't need me there. I've done my bit; I moved my stuff, which is about 10 times as much stuff as you have to move, as well as much of the business's (our) stuff and some of your stuff. I am now very tired (mainly mentally, though somewhat physically still) of moving stuff, and besides my bank account is down to $6 (as of several days ago; I haven't dared check it since, because there's not a lot I can do about it until Juliet's check arrives -- short of taking out Yet Another (personal) Loan) and I simply can't spare the time for more moving. (Need it for working & getting caught up.)
I also feel like I shouldn't have to excuse myself for this decision -- but another part of me wants you to understand. This is probably the same part of me which is afraid of people's negative opinions and just wants everyone to like me, so I often wonder if I should be listening to it at all (given the mess it's gotten me into as discussed above). But it seems harmless enough just to try to communicate about these things, as long as I don't let the explanation become an excuse and then an apology...
I have to think more about what needs to happen as far as shelving and such (getting the Hull Rd. location ready for regular business); clearly there should be some more organization, shelving, whatever -- but we also clearly had some communication issues about how and when it was going to be done... Separate discussion. Plus there's Issue #3, which may well affect what we're aiming for.
Issue #2: "Me and them", "We're all in this together", sharing stuff, etc.
We may have a subtle difference of philosophy on this one. I do believe that your stuff is your stuff and my stuff is my stuff. I could go into reasons why this makes sense even if one's primary motivation is the common good, but that wouldn't be the point. I also think it's fine to share stuff, but I do draw lines between what is "ours", what is "mine for you to share", and what is "mine alone". (Likewise, I respect any similar boundaries you might place on your stuff.)
You were sounding like you were trying to say that I shouldn't be drawing a line between my stuff and your stuff, because all our stuff is shared, and therefore that the stuff still remaining at Red House is equally my responsibility to move. (Perhaps I'm misunderstanding, but if that's what you were saying then I have to disagree.)
Even if that were true, I don't think I've been a slacker about it. I've moved my weight of what would be our stuff, if I saw it that way (all "ours"). If it were all "our stuff", I've moved far more than my portion -- but I don't think you'd want much of what I had to move anyhow; it's stuff that matters to me, not to you -- just as you have stuff that matters to you and not to me. Just one more reason why I think it makes sense to have separate stuff even if one also has shared stuff.
So, tell me again why I should be there to help you move your stuff when I've already moved my stuff with minimal assistance (requested, not demanded). The only thing you have for which you might need assistance, as far as I know, would be the copy machine; if you would like reasons why I don't think it's my responsibility to change my plans in order to make it possible for me to help with that, I can go into them (though I would certainly offer to help if I was going to be there when you were moving it). All the rest of your stuff could be removed by one person and a truck within an afternoon, as far as I can tell.
Issue #2a: "I'm taking care of me, screw you".
I'm not quite sure what this implies. At a minimum, it seems to be saying that I'm looking out for my own interests and giving the common good short shrift. At worst, it would seem to imply that I'm being an active parasite on the common good and taking shared resources for my own interests.
I think I agree that it makes sense to put one's own interests first and the common good second; the fall of communism kinda proved that "everyone owns everything" is no way to prosper. (I think we've agreed we all want to prosper -- want it so badly we can taste it.) Putting the common good second is very different from putting it last, or actively working against it. I'm not doing either of those things.
I also think that I've poured resources (many of them which I had to borrow in order to put out various fires) into the common good (Red House and therefore indirectly the RDA, as well as directly helping the RDA on occasion) and gotten very little out of it in return.
So just what were you saying?
Issue #3: being there.
If I haven't made it clear yet, I'm planning to be in Athens a lot less. For various reasons, I don't really feel that I have a home on Hull Rd., and obviously I no longer have one anywhere else in the area. I have tried to make changes so We House would feel more like home to me, but those changes seemed to be very much against the flow of how things work there -- and add on top of that the fact that Durham has always felt more like home than Athens, and that there is a place in Durham (Sandy's) which very quickly began to feel like home once I spent some time in it -- and soon there didn't seem to be much point in putting a great deal of energy into making a home at Hull Rd. (But I did try; to try harder, I think, would have been anti-karmic.) It can be a fairly comfortable office-and-living-quarters, which is a very useful thing to have, but I don't see it coming to much more than that.
The question then is, what changes would you need to make in order to be able to continue without my constant presence? Do you still wish to continue with vbz/RH without my constant presence? (Is there any way we could move the whole shebang up here?I've avoided asking this because I'm pretty sure you would not consider it an option, but I have to make it clear that I'm not excluding it.) I will help in any way I can with any changes that might need to be made to keep things functioning happily, but I need to be sure that we are heading towards a situation that is mutually agreeable -- if you don't want to do it anymore if I'm only going to be physically there occasionally, I need to know that.
I was going to try to say something about my commitment to being there mentally, for the business, in the sense of having my head in a space where my attention is focussed on it, but I think I need to think about it some more. I've been able to keep on top of customer service, but I haven't been able to do a lot else what with the demands on my time from Juliet's work and other priorities.
I have to decide how I'm going to approach the upcoming busy season; I was hoping to be done with certain things by now (mainly the Big Balancing Act), but I'm not -- and figuring out how to deal with that is much more on my mind right now, since there seems to be a great deal of pressure to get that straightened out.
You and I can't negotiate for anything having to do with money when there is the looming possibility that one of us (or our businesses) owes the other('s business) (or "the difference between what RH owes to RDA and what it owes to me is", or however you want to look at it) a pile of money. How can we possibly split the anticipated profits from Xmas until this is resolved, much less renegotiate the split?
So part of me says "finish the balancing first", but I need to be sure that gets done in time to be ready for the Xmas rush -- or that I get Xmas rush things done at the same time, which means splitting my attention, which is generally not a good idea. Another part of me says "screw the balancing thing, let's get ready for the Xmas rush... and maybe that will get done with enough time to finish the balancing act before things get seriously busy".
Either way, it's a matter of deciding which one is more important (in case it doesn't get finished in time to do the other) -- Xmas rush prep, or getting our finances in order. So I have to think about it.
--
Ok, those are the issues that seemed most important to write about right now. If others occur to me, I'll send a separate email; otherwise I could be waiting forever for The Entire Big Picture to become clear to me, and it would probably change significantly by then anyway. And we need to start getting this stuff worked out so we can move forward.
Thanks,
N.