Difference between revisions of "Phone phobia"

Latest revision as of 19:49, 3 June 2022

About

Phone phobia is a psychological condition in which one experiences extreme fear or avoidance of using the telephone. The fear may be more intense with regard to either making or receiving phone calls; in the latter case, it can intensify to the point where the phone-phobic is afraid even to listen to voice-mail (answering machine) messages.

Aliases: phonephobia, phone-phobia, telephobia

Discussion / Forums

Forums:
- Hypertwins Phone Phobia Forum (read-only for now).
- ~~Ning telephobia network~~ (created 2008-03-09 by Woozle; decommissioned 2013)
phone phobia at HTYP (wiki)

The discussion here (HypertWiki) started with Harena & Woozle's posts in 2005.

Causes

Based on the anecdotes collected here, the causes of phone-phobia appear to vary somewhat although there do seem to be some recurring patterns, including:

fear of confrontation (why are you calling me?)
fear of ridicule (why do I want to talk to you?)
fear of miscommunication:
- fear of being misunderstood
- fear of misunderstanding
- fear of forgetting what you wanted to convey
- fear of forgetting what you were told while on the phone
fear of irreversibly prejudging someone based on their voice alone:
- fear of hearing the voice of someone you have not yet met but plan to meet in the future for fear of disliking the quality of their voice and inappropriately prejudging the person out of context
- is this kind of like where you have that pre-judged opinion stuck in your head and can't get rid of it even after you meet the person? Please feel free to describe in more detail on the discussion page. -W.
(cell phones only) fear of cell phones causing cancer. Although scientific studies have not shown a correlation, there are reasons not to trust these results completely; also, fear also does not necessarily operate on a rational basis, even if the connection were completely disproven by trusted parties.
(anonymous user 58.168.243.72 said:) fear of someone hearing your voice on the other line or hearing your own voice. Can make you uncomfortable. (Woozle adds: can you describe this in more detail? Is it only on the phone?)
(anonymous user 172.203.105.119 said:) It Can Also Be Scary Talking To Someone That You Can't See
anonymous user 65.199.97.126 suggested that one of the causes of phone-phobia might be "becoming a first year financial advisor". I'm not sure what is meant by this, so if the poster would be so good as to explain further... is a first year financial advisor subject to a lot of really unpleasant phone calls?
(anonymous user 72.73.109.138 said:) Fear of calling and reaching the wrong person, fear of calling said person at an inconvenient time and being a bother or making the recipient mad at you.
(anonymous user 122.106.57.24 said:) Fear of lull in conversation and not being present to make a distraction.
Fear of running out of things to say, or not knowing what to say.
Fear of stuttering.
Fear of appearing boring. On the internet, you can take your time to respond in a creative way. On the phone, no time to think and sometimes you run out of things to say at all, and the silence is terrifying.

Obstacles

Practical obstacles which can contribute to avoidance of making calls:

You can't do part of a phone call now and then finish it later. (Interruptions sometimes make it necessary to do things in more than one part. Also, sometimes you get part way into a communication and realize you are lacking key information, or are going about it the wrong way, leading to...)
You can't start a phone call over again if you realize (partway through) that you started out wrong.
A successful phone call requires calling at the same time the other person is available to take the call (unless they have voicemail... but the mental preparation required to have a phone conversation is not the same as the mental preparation required for leaving a message, and there is usually no way to know in advance which it will be).
Phone calls often require talking to several different people first, and waiting on hold, before you get to the person you actually want to speak with. This is annoying and time-consuming.

Links

2018-06-02 Why No One Answers Their Phone Anymore: good riddance
2017-01-04 Why Millennials Don't Like to Make Phone Calls: apparently we have a somewhat millennial approach to tech in general...
2013-08-28 Why are you calling my texting device?
Wikipedia

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-[[Phone-phobia]] (alternate keywords: '''phonephobia''', '''telephobia'''), is a psychological condition in which an individual experiences extreme fear or avoidance of using the telephone. In some cases, it is mainly experienced with regard to making (as opposed to receiving) phone calls, but it can also be extreme to the point where the phone-phobic is afraid even to listen to voice-mail (answering machine) messages.
+{{sidebar|__TOC__}}
-==Related Wiki Pages==
+==About==
-* {{yp|Phone Phobia}} at HTYP
+[[File:Telephobia.fullsize.logo-crop.png|100px|left]][[Phone phobia]] is a {{yp|psychological}} condition in which one experiences extreme fear or avoidance of using the telephone. The fear may be more intense with regard to either making or receiving phone calls; in the latter case, it can intensify to the point where the phone-phobic is afraid even to listen to voice-mail (answering machine) messages.
-==Opinions==
-===[[User:Woozle|Woozle]] 15:58, 4 May 2005 (CDT)===
-My own experience has varied between these extremes; sometimes I can listen to messages, but it gets harder if I know I am behind on my work because I am afraid that the message will be reminding me of something I haven't done.
-It is a problem which I have had almost as long as I can remember. I believe it is largely rooted in having a very poor short-term memory, which means that I easily forget things I am told verbally -- to the point where I will find myself completely at a loss as to what to say next in a conversation, or even whether it is my turn, or if the conversation is now over or not. In face-to-face conversations, I can often read nonverbal cues to help guide me, but these cues are almost entirely lacking in phone conversations. If the conversation were taking place in print (e.g. email or instant messaging), I could re-read what had taken place so far until it sank in, and then work out what to do; with the phone, there is no instant replay, and there is an expectation that you need to respond within a small time-window.
+'''Aliases''': [[phonephobia]], [[phone-phobia]], [[telephobia]]
+<br clear=both>
+==Discussion / Forums==
+[[File:Phone phobia denial dude.jpg|right|300px]]
+* '''Forums''':
+** [[Talk:Phone-phobia|Hypertwins Phone Phobia Forum]] (read-only for now).
+** <s>[http://telephobia.ning.com/ Ning telephobia network]</s> (created 2008-03-09 by Woozle; decommissioned 2013)
+* {{yp|phone phobia}} at HTYP (wiki)
-This problem has also been very costly to me -- not just because of missed opportunities because I couldn't make a phone call, but also because of problems dealing with people who agreed to handle phone calls for me.
+The discussion here (HypertWiki) started with Harena & Woozle's posts in [[Talk:Phone-phobia/2005|2005]].
+==Causes==
+Based on the anecdotes collected here, the causes of phone-phobia appear to vary somewhat although there do seem to be some '''recurring patterns''', including:
+* fear of confrontation (why are you calling me?)
+* fear of ridicule (why do I want to talk to ''you''?)
+* fear of miscommunication:
+** fear of being misunderstood
+** fear of misunderstanding
+** fear of forgetting what you wanted to convey
+** fear of forgetting what you were told while on the phone
+* fear of irreversibly prejudging someone based on their voice alone:
+** fear of hearing the voice of someone you have not yet met but plan to meet in the future for fear of disliking the quality of their voice and inappropriately prejudging the person out of context
+** ''is this kind of like where you have that pre-judged opinion stuck in your head and can't get rid of it even after you meet the person? Please feel free to describe in more detail on the {{talkpage}}. -[[User:Woozle|W]].''
+* (cell phones only) fear of cell phones causing cancer. Although scientific studies have not shown a correlation, there are reasons not to trust these results completely; also, fear also does not necessarily operate on a rational basis, even if the connection were completely disproven by trusted parties.
+* ({{anonuser|58.168.243.72}} said:) fear of someone hearing your voice on the other line or hearing your own voice. Can make you uncomfortable. ''(Woozle adds: can you describe this in more detail? Is it only on the phone?)''
+* ({{anonuser|172.203.105.119}} said:) It Can Also Be Scary Talking To Someone That You Can't See
+* {{anonuser|65.199.97.126}} suggested that one of the causes of phone-phobia might be "becoming a first year financial advisor". I'm not sure what is meant by this, so if the poster would be so good as to explain further... is a first year financial advisor subject to a lot of really unpleasant phone calls?
+* ({{anonuser|72.73.109.138}} said:) Fear of calling and reaching the wrong person, fear of calling said person at an inconvenient time and being a bother or making the recipient mad at you.
+* ({{anonuser|122.106.57.24}} said:) Fear of lull in conversation and not being present to make a distraction.
+* Fear of running out of things to say, or not knowing what to say.
+* Fear of stuttering.
+* Fear of appearing boring. On the internet, you can take your time to respond in a creative way. On the phone, no time to think and sometimes you run out of things to say at all, and the silence is terrifying.
+==Obstacles==
+'''Practical obstacles''' which can contribute to avoidance of making calls:
+* You can't do part of a phone call now and then finish it later. (Interruptions sometimes make it necessary to do things in more than one part. Also, sometimes you get part way into a communication and realize you are lacking key information, or are going about it the wrong way, leading to...)
+* You can't start a phone call over again if you realize (partway through) that you started out wrong.
+* A successful phone call requires calling at the same time the other person is available to take the call (unless they have voicemail... but the mental preparation required to have a phone conversation is not the same as the mental preparation required for leaving a message, and there is usually no way to know in advance which it will be).
+* Phone calls often require talking to several different people first, and waiting on hold, before you get to the person you actually want to speak with. This is annoying and time-consuming.
+==Links==
+* '''2018-06-02''' [https://mobile.slashdot.org/story/18/06/02/0645252/why-no-one-answers-their-phone-anymore Why No One Answers Their Phone Anymore]: good riddance
+* '''2017-01-04''' [https://www.inc.com/john-brandon/why-millennials-dont-like-to-make-phone-calls.html Why Millennials Don't Like to Make Phone Calls]: apparently we have a somewhat millennial approach to tech in general...
+* '''2013-08-28''' [http://freethoughtblogs.com/blaghag/2013/08/why-are-you-calling-my-texting-device/ Why are you calling my texting device?]
+* {{wikipedia|Telephone phobia}}
-Although this problem is not, as far as I know, recognized by any official psychological association, I have lost count of the number of people I have spoken with who have more or less the same problem. Some others have said that they have experienced this problem but "got over it"; after 35 years of trying to "get over it", by various means, I do not think the forceful approach works very well. (I have more to write about this, but will have to come back to it later.)
+[[Category:Boxes|Sidebar]]
+[[Category:Issues|Phone phobia]]
-I've been trying to think of possible sources for the aversion. Here's what I've come up with:
-[ {{faint|18:48, 22 May 2005 (CDT)}} ] I ask a question. The person on the other end says something, but it doesn't soak in -- I don't hear it, to oversimplify a bit. It can actually be ''physically painful'' (leading to intense migraine headaches) to make myself replay the sounds in my head and listen to them more carefully, or else to ask the person to repeat what they said and force my head into a mode where I can take in the information at the speed at which it is given.
-[ {{faint|09:32, 18 April 2006 (EDT)}} ] The person on the other end says something friendly, though off-topic. ''If I'm in the right mood'', I might be able to (a) successfully process what they said and (b) reply in kind &ndash; but if I'm not, it takes me too long (i.e. the length of the necessary pause passes the "comfort zone" and goes into the area of awkwardness if one person or the other doesn't say something) to work both of these things out, and I'm forced to either (1) ignore the diversion, (2) explicitly say something to "get back on track", (3) somehow stall for time so I can think (and try to think while doing so), or else (4) go for a very general reply in the same tone (i.e. shoot without aiming). #1 and #2 have the very unwanted effect of conveying to the other party that I prefer to be "strictly business" and possibly stand on formality. #3 sometimes works, but can be very frustrating (and leading to feelings of inadequacy) when it fails. #4 also sometimes works, but often misfires (with much the same upshot as #3).
-===[[User:Harena|Harena]] 16:11, 4 May 2005 (CDT)===
-I have had great difficulty pinning down just what it is that makes it so hard to make phone calls. "Fear" is what comes to mind at first. But Fear of What? Well, there's the whole, "What if the person who I'm calling has no clue who this is that is calling?" and then I have to go into lengthy explanations that make me sound idiotic. Or something. And then there is this trapped feeling. When on the phone, I can't escape. Also I can't see what the person on the other line is doing; how they are reacting to what I say. Little cues like that make me feel detached & awkward.
-And maybe it's just All of the Above.
-Just my humble 2 cents worth.
-(there's more in there *taps on forehead* but that's all that came out at this time)
-===[[User:Mechamancer|Mechamancer]] 15:23, 24 May 2005 (CDT)===
-I also have this fear.  I keep having to ask people to repeat things because of the bad reception.  And as said before the lack of visual clues is disturbing.  I also hate the awkward silances that you get.  And I always have problems starting and ending conversations.  I like to pick up a thread of a conversation not start one.  Plus you never know who you will talk to when you call someone.  I can never rcognise peoples voices.
-===[[User:clappy|clappy]] 12:12, 25 July 2005 (AST)===
-Wow Woozle, you just pegged me exactly. I have spent the last 6 years working at callcenters and the like. In that time period, I have taken over 90,000 phone calls, generally lasting 6-10 minutes each.  I used to hate talking on the phone because I could never recognize someone's voice, having to ask them every time. After taking that many phonecalls, I technically have the experience to take control of any telephone conversation, and yet I avoid the phone like the plague in my personal life.
-I always get a sinking feeling when the phone rings. Often I won't answer it, or I'll wait until my roommate answers it instead. I also have self esteem/rejection issues that usually stop me from calling people. I wait until I am contacted so I am certain the person does want to be in my company.
-Thanks for sharing your stories.
-===[[User:SpazBomB|SpazBomB]] 05:58, 16 Feb 2007 (CDT)===
-I am totally stunned to find I am not alone.  I've had many of the symptoms shared here for over 10 years now and have been unable to call it a real phobia until now.  I've even had problems convincing anyone including my family that this was actually something serious.  My problem occurs when calling anyone other than a business, its an overpowering fear that the person on the other side does not want to talk to me or despises me for calling, which is reinforced by the same awkward phone issues that have been pegged down here.
-At my worst I have had anxiety attacks, nausea, trembles, and sweat before being forced to make an important call that could not be resolved by a face to face talk. I am not as bad now, I spent some time outside of the US working in a situation where phone calls were a matter of work and survival, though I still have to rehearse and motivate myself a good 15 minutes prior.
-I know where my phobia originated though.  Back in the day before caller ID and wireless phones I had a childhood friend who would call me nearly three to five times a day and would sit on the line.  I began to despise picking up the phone and wasting so much time being tied to one spot, I even began to despise him and other friends who would call.  I stopped answering the phone and my parents did not want to deal with it so I became malicious leading to a series of answering machine fights with this kid.  Now I am terrified that others feel the same way I do when I call them.
-====comment====
-: Wow, that's interesting &ndash; especially that you can remember specifically how it started. Thinking about it, I can remember a specific incident in preschool where they had me call a bank to ask a question about currency, for my daily journal entry. What I can't remember is whether this was an attempt to break me of an existing phone-phobia, whether they were trying to break me of an existing ''social'' phobia (which was almost certainly in evidence by then) or whether they had no real idea that it would be especially hard for me.
-: I can also remember my dad being particularly angry about people calling at dinner-time (this was also in the day before answering machines, when not answering one's phone was considered rude and possibly dangerous &ndash; 1970s), and I remember being afraid to call other people for fear that they would be angry for similar reasons (regardless of the time of day... but how do ''I'' know what times of day they might be busy with stuff like that? Not that I take that reasoning seriously anymore, but it matches the pattern of yours &ndash; an aversion with a known cause that doesn't go away (or even gets worse) after the cause disappears.
-: --[[User:Woozle|Woozle]] 21:13, 16 February 2007 (EST)
-: '''P.S.''' I'm lately thinking that a lot of it has to do with organizational/communicative issues I have &ndash; I often have trouble coming up with answers to relatively simple questions (in voice-realtime, anyway; in email or even IM/IRC it's not a problem because there's much less demand to keep the flow of conversation going), and I'm afraid (with justification) that this will happen in the middle of a phone call. I also know that when I do break down and actually make a vitally important call, I often feel awful for ''hours'' afterwards, even if the call went well. I'm wondering if any of these symptoms sound familiar to anyone else. -W.
-===[[User:Jenny]] 20 March 2007 (CDT)===
-I have a similar thing - its funny but it used to be exactly how you guys describe it above - the fear of ringing someone in case they dont want to talk to you but get trapped on the phone out of politeness - and there you are blabbing away oblivious to the negative response. But now i am not so scared of that - not because it doesnt cross my mind - but because i just dont care about how people react quite so much anymore. Thats not to say i really dont care about them or their feelings but just that i have come to realise that you cant go through life being fearful of what other people think of you - there is not all that much you can do about that. You can only be a nice person - making a phone call really isnt a crime anyone should hold against you and if they do then they are not all that worth knowing in the first place.
-Despite this new found revelation on friendship - which has made using the phone easier for me - my phone phobia still hasnt disappeared. Oh no. Its just there in another form. I can ring people for specific reasons, either at work or friends with only a tiny bit of nervousness which then dissapears, but actually answering the phone to then transfer it to someone esle is giving me real trouble. I have specifically avoided having any secretarial like role in my career - but i find that i have now been asked to answer the phone despite the fact its not really my job - and i just cant do it. The fear of answering the phone, taking someones name, transfering it correctly, taking all necessary details, without asking them the same question about three times and transfering them to the wrong person - while still concentrating on my own work just seems impossible to me. I have been asked to do this before and i am rubbish at it and ultimately embarrass and ridicule myself at work. But this whole inability to answer the phone is more embarrassing anyway so im just trapped in a completely awful situation.