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2003 Benjy quotes note.adj.png

Decided this would be the best place to archive the Best of Benjamin Quotes. Easier to do by date & access & stuffnthings. Right. Onwards!

For context, Benjamin was born in April of 1999

(Quotes that are Highlighted have been used as my LJ Headline)


  • May 23, 2003:
    • "I'm not smiling because my face is not cooperating"
  • October 21, 2003:
    • "Woozle, we don't put fire in we're mouth!"
(and no, i have no memory of what precipitated this remark; Woozle says he said something to me {he can't remember what} and apparently Benjamin interpreted it to mean something like having fire in one's mouth...)
  • October 24, 2003:
    • "I am not a silly boy, I am a crying boy and I need a hug"
    • ...said when i was giving him a hug & telling him he was silly because 'cause he was crying over something that silly me thought was silly


  • January 1, 2004:
    • Benjamin comes trotting into the office & says to me, "You have to be happy mommy.. here, I will kiss you on the elbow and that will make you happy" and then does so.
  • May 2, 2004:
    • In reference to the window that was leaking water during the wee thunderstorm & deluge we had.. this was after it was over:
    • "Nothing is coming through by there!"
    • Also, just before that when the sun sorta came back out he said:
    • "The thunderstorm is gone! Now the thunderstorm makes it back morning!
We can't touch the thunderstorm. It makes us scared."
(and yes, that was said all in the same breath)
  • May 3, 2004:
    • Re: Balloons gradually shrinking due to loss of air:
    • "These balloons are getting aired off"
  • May 6, 2004:
    • On the way to daycare this morning, in the middle of his usual free associating, he came out with this:
    • "When I was your age, Woozle." (pause) then (after some prompting) "I was like your age."


Part 1

  • May 6, 2004 (PM):
    • Benjamin notices that my arm has scratches on it & asks where they came from:
    • Me: I got them when we cut down the holly bush.
    • Benjamin: holly bush? You mean Hollywood?

Part 2

  • May 7, 2004:
    • He asks again about the scratches, I answer as I had the previous day (from cutting down the holly bush)... the following exchange ensues:
    • B: holly bush?
    • Woozle: Is that like Hollywood?
    • B: Hollywood? Nooooooo, we didn't cut down Hollywood!!

Part 3

  • Date Uncertain; Originally Posted to LJ on May 16, 2004:
    • B: mommy, where'd you get the scratches on your arm?
    • M: from cutting down the holly bush
    • B: holly bush? is that like Hollywood?
    • M: Noooo.... we didn't cut down Hollywood!
    • B: *giggling furiously* Yes you did!

  • May 7, 2004:
    • "If you drink water you might grow down like a baby"
  • May 23, 2004:
    • During the thunderstorms, Benjamin was heard to say something along these lines (in reference to our house):
    • The house is afraid. But the house doesn't have legs to stand up with. The house can't run away.
    • (No quotes 'cause i'm doing this one from memory & i am kinda paraphrasing from a half asleep state)
  • May 27, 2004:
    • That morning from the bathroom, I overheard this being said by Benjamin:
    • "My shadow is eeeeviiil"
    • (I fell off the toilet laughing)
  • May 29, 2004:
    • Today whilst Woozle was installing the tow-hitch thingy to the Windstar (so's we can haul some or all of his stuff from Georgia next week) the following conversation ensued:
    • B: What are you doing, Woozle?
    • W: Installing a trailer-hitch...
    • B: A trail-hinge?
    • W: we can bring back a whole bunch of stuff from Georgia
    • B: Georgia? You mean George the monkey?
    • (as in Curious George, i guess!)
  • May 30, 2004:
    • It was raining this morning and B wanted to go out in it... he likes to do that.. pull on his boots & get his umbrella and walk in the rain a la Christopher Robin (and yes, he does have black wellies just like CR's ^_^) and so he does....

    • ...a few minutes later he comes in & announces that he had to come back in because...
    • "The rain is broken."
    • (it had stopped raining!)
  • June 6, 2004:
    • This first part is sort of paraphrased 'cause I don't remember exactickly what was said, but the punchline is word for word!
    • B: I'm not feeling well
    • M: Oh? What's the matter?
    • B: My feelings are empty
    • (he was hungry & wanted lunch!)
  • June 10, 2004:
    • I did a :P at B in the car on the way home from picking him up & he responded with:
    • "Don't stick out your tongue when you are dead!"
    • I fell over laughing... good thing Woozle was driving!
  • June 12, 2004:
    • Whilst sitting on my lap:
    • "I'm getting all heavy on you"
  • June 15, 2004:
    • In reference to the clouds breaking up & the sun coming out, he said:
    • "The clouds are melting! All of everything is melting!!"
  • June 25, 2004:
    • "It's almost starting to done."
  • September 5, 2004:
    • "I'm going around like an American-Going-Round" (Merry-Go-Round)
  • September 20, 2004:
    • This morning upon looking into our front-loader washing machine as it was running, he said:
    • "Oh no! The Soap died!! He drunk too many waters so he *died*!"
    • [fx of me scrambling for pen & paper to write it down!]

  • Later...
    • "The thunderstorm fired all the trees"

  • October 9, 2004:
    • Benjamin started my morning out thusly:
    • I get up & go to the bathroom. Upon leaving the bathroom, Benjamin greets me with this little ditty:
    • (Sung to the tune of Here We Go Around The Mulberry Bush)
    • This is the way we kill the moms,
    • Kill the moms, kill the moms;
    • This is the way we kill the moms, kill them all to death!
    • (I should note the next verse was "this is the way we kill the dads" so I guess it was nothing personal! ;D)

  • Sometime in 2004 (probably June):
    • "Mommy? I was making up a story. I was making up a 'Let's go riding in the CarCar story.' And that's all"


  • March 11, 2005:
    • This'un is only paraphrased rather than directly quoted 'cause, golly, it happened at 6:20 in the freakin' morning!
    • Upon seeing what the tooth fairy brought for the first tooth he lost, he uttered:
    • "I have a dollar & now I can get money with it!"
  • March 16, 2005:
    • So Benjamin lost another tooth & put it under his pillow for the tooth fairy & this morning when he retrieved the dollar he got, this is what he said:
    • "I got another dollar!! And it's got George Washington! And he's *STILL* dead!!!"

  • September 13, 2005:
    • "People who have too much poop in their butts throw up"

  • October 15, 2005:
    • "Pip isn't a real human. He's a cat"

  • October 19, 2005:
    • Benjamin comes up to me & says:
    • "I have to whisper something in your ear"
    • and I say, "okay" & he whispers (very solemnly),

    • "Life Goes On"

  • November 23, 2005:
    • Re: The Pumpkin Bread baking in the oven:
    • "It's drying up & raising right now"

  • November 23, 2005:
    • Hands me the yarn winder after playing with it so much that it came off the chair arm it was attached to:
    • " put it somewhere I can't reach it to spin it"

  • December 2, 2005:
    • Wanders into the office and says:
    • "The smell of the lambchop is giving me happy company!"
    • ...and then wanders back out again...
  • December 3, 2005:
    • Both he & Zander were hanging off the back of the couch and the following was quoth:
      • "B&Z: A giant cockroach! that we can kill!"
      • "B: with our cockroach torture machine!"
    • same day, different time:
      • "you make us die of laugh!"

  • December 20, 2005:
    • After being told something a second time, he said he knew because:
    • "...early ago you told me."

  • December 25, 2005
    • "It's fun climbing on top of your mom's friend. Who is strong, and sometimes tired." (Referring to climbing on Woozle's shoulders and being carried around)

  • December 31, 2005
    • "The nice thing about water is that you don't have to chew it"


  • January 1, 2006
    • After showing us a picture he made "of Watership Down" which largely consisted of snails, cars, and "POLICE - 911" signs, which he had done in Tuxpaint, he uttered this:
    • "Next I'm going to do a picture of *not* Watership Down! I'm going to do a picture of the field covered with *blood*, and making everyfing *die*!"
  • January 24, 2006
    • Whilst swinging furiously on the swingset:
    • "I'm getting really better at swinging! Soon I won't need anyone to push me anymore!"
  • February 24, 2006 6:39pm
    • After smelling daffodils with me:
    • "Daffodils have good effects on your evilness. It hurts your evilness."

First Daffydillies of 2013.JPG

  • February 26, 2006 (sometime before 7:49am; just not sure when)
    • "One nice thing about crayon sharpeners; They can make the paper come back on"
  • February 26, 2006 7:49am
    • Whilst doing crayon-art:
    • "I'm always thinking of pretty colors. Like brown."
    • (he had just pulled out a brown crayon)
  • March 6, 2006 6:27pm
    • "When I'm growned up & have my own computer, I'm going to put Dr. Who on it"
    • (Said as we were about to watch Dr. Who on W's computer)
  • March 26, 2006
    • Right after Bedtime Story, he said:
    • "I have to say something to you...   Mommy, I like how you smell..."
    • *sniffs*    "You smell like good-looking girl."

  • April 6, 2006
    • "You made me nearly [knock over the laptop] and nearly make this house burn down because lesstricity wif wood makes fire! So you nearly made this house burn down!"
  • April 20, 2006
    • "The more we don't get fresh air, the more we won't be able to breathe right"

  • May 9, 2006
    • "That took a little bit of a long time."

  • May 11, 2006, Woozle's Birthday!
    • During an amusing conversation about how old Woozle is today, Benjamin uttered:
    • "You have to be somewhere around Not Old"

  • July 19, 2006
    • "Where they were is where they're not anymore!" – in reference to Kevin's parents at the end of Time Bandits

  • July 22, 2006 10:53am
    • It's a good thing Mel can't be melted by fire."

  • August 4, 2006
    • After receiving a thingy that Anna Nikola made & gave to him:
    • "This is like a present except it isn't my birthday or Christmas or anything!"
-- (as told to me by Anna Nikola)

  • October 1, 2006
    • Overhead from the living room as B&Z are playing video games. He admits it!
    • Z: Are you mad?
    • B (cackling furiously): I'm a Mad Man!

  • October 7, 2006
    • Whilst recording his own creation on the Yahama Keyboard:
    • "I filled up the *whole* recordment!"
  • ...and then moments later, whilst doing a "story":
    • "Terristis are here!" (say it out loud)

  • October 8, 2006
    • After seeing me for the first time after Woozle had trimmed my bangs:
    • "You look more wide awake than wide asleep. Your eyes are wide open."

  • October 27, 2006
    • "If there's thunder and the power goes out, we won't be able to do stuff...
    • Unless the power comes back on."


  • January 11, 2007
    • Whilst picking up his dirty clothes from the floor:
    • "All this clothing is under-arrested for stealing the floor!"

  • January 25, 2007
    • He gets in the car from school with a balloon that has a face drawn on it... and on the way home, he explains:
    • "Mr. Balloon doesn't need to eat or drink but he can die of Being Popped"
    • And
    • "He'll never get old even though he's an adult still"

  • February 18, 2007
B: momomomomom!
Me: BenBenBen!
B: I love you!
Me: I love you too!
B: Whenever I say "I love you" to someone, invisible hearts appear over my head

  • February 22, 2007
    • "There's, like, infinity in the whole wide world"
    • In reference to the lowly earthworm's domain & possibly their perceptions of it.

  • March 1, 2007
    • "We Humans can get sick... ...Sometimes Humans die of being sick."

  • April 3, 2007
    • "Everywhere we look... there's a Noun. Nothing can prevent there being a Noun... Because if all the nouns were destroyed, we would have a Noun: Nothing."

  • May 23, 2007
    • To a new babysitter:
    • "I'm the crazy one that usually falls down."

  • July 28, 2007 at 12:27pm
    • As he was waving goodbye to me after being dropped off with his dad:
    • "See you sometime else!"

  • September 09, 2007 at 12:17pm
    • He was requesting a movie to watch & I mentioned that I was thinking of playing a movie for Josh but that I didn't think he'd be interested in one of those and he responded with,
    • "I prefer watching violence."

  • November 13, 2007 at 6:06pm
    • Whilst making scrambledy eggs for Benjamin (he helpt! ^_^) the following interchange occurred:
B: Wow, you've got a lot of experience with making scrambled eggs!
Me: Well, i have been making them for nigh on 30 years now.
B: (with appropriate amazed look on his face) You're older than Thirty?
Me: i am older than thirty.
B: Coooooool.


  • January 8, 2008
    • Randomly:
    • "The weed wacker Prevails"
  • May 2, 2008
    • Bouncing about at 6:30am:
    • "I'm Enerjective this morning!"
  • Sept ?, 2008
    • "Zander would have had a heart attack of joy [ see so many chickens at Spence's Farm]!"
  • December 23, 2008
    • At Sarah's House of Clay Camp:
    • "Like me, Zander has acts of kindness in him; mine are just more random."


  • February 12, 2009
    • "You have to get used to the days you are in"

  • March 7, 2009
    • "Zander -- if you find any gerbils named Godzilla, don't let them *anywhere* near our five-dollar bills."

  • May 31, 2009
    • Z: If Pip were poingy, you'd know he was sick
    • B: Either that or Pip & Kestra's brains got switched!

  • September 4, 2009
    • Whilst running around in the living room "doing a story (with Z)":
    • "Where is everything?? I can't pick my nose!"

  • September 19, 2009
    • "The more the merrier except when it comes to babies"

  • September 29, 2009
    • "My eyeballs recognize this place by heart"

  • October 3, 2009
    • "Compassion is a very good source of happiness"


  • June 21, 2010
    • "I'm glad mom doesn't look her age"
  • And then:
    • "I really had no idea how old you were... I thought you were in your 20's!"

  • November 28, 2010
  • To Zander whilst Z was playing Minecraft
    • "You react to cows like Old People react to kids on their lawn!"


  • March 26, 2011
  • Whilst downstairs making me scrambled eggs & bacon:
    • "Mom is helping me make breakfast by wanting it"
  • Also (as best remembered by W):
    • "If you don't like to see people smile, you may be needing to see a psychiatrist."

  • May 1, 2011
  • And now for the latest and possibly misunderstood overheard from the other room Benjy Quote:
    • "Speaking of the dogboy[1], here come the Romans!"

  • October 2, 2011
  • Possibly responding to a notification/alarm on his computer:
    • "Get out of my face, Ubuntu -- you're making me die!"


  • February 16, 2012
    • "My name is Benjamin Smith.
    • You Annoy Me.
    • Prepare to Die"

  • March 23, 2012
  • After eating dinner:
    • "I appear to have made a mess of myself"


2015-01-19 "'I'm almost out of volcanoes,' said a sleep-deprived Benjamin after finding out that he was nearly out of lava droplets." – Benjamin

2015-02-06 "The pomegranates are reproducing! asexually... as ghosts."

2015-04-27 "We're supposed to be getting ready to go and not talking about vampire boners."

  • October 10, 2015
  • Whilst Minecrafting
    • '"I have aquired[sic] a wellspring of ability to sleep"


  • March 2, 2016
  • Upon seeing a pangolin
    • 'It's a freaking sloth in armor plating!'


2017-06-20 B&Z quotes.crop-adj.png

As documented by Benjamin and Zander:

  • "It's been a while since we last did RWBY crack after ten." — Benjamin, June 20th, after 10
  • "I only ever do RWBY Heroin." — Zander, June 20th, after after 10

  • July 16
  • Re: Boss in Monster Den
    • "Damn them for being as smart as me!"

  • November 4, at about 5pm
    • "God, Pip, you make a horrible machine-gun." (B helped me remember the quote later.)

  • Some Time in 2017:
  • From a box top:
    • "I'm not the best at Logic even if I'm really good at it"


  • "Pip makes a good pillow until he starts thrashing." — January 14, 3:30pm:

  • May 20, 2018
    • from Discord at 8:45ish pm
    • '* first come first serve on predicting when I die — May 20, 8:45pm
  • August 6, 2018
    • "Now if we could just find another duo-syllabic word that starts with "P" and it fits, that would be perfect."
    • ~Realization~
    • "Oh shit."

  • Some time around November 15, 2018
    • Whilst playing RWBY: Amity Arena
      • "Here come the scorpions" *giggles*


  • February 10, 2019
    • from Discord at 7:30ish
      • "God, why does it have to be a hundred thousand puppies? Why can't it be something reasonable, like ten thousand?"
  • September 14, 2019
    • During a water outage, B donned rubber gloves so to make clean-up post handling bacon & eggs easier... the process was more difficult than anticipated and along the way, he uttered this:
      • "I can fart through latex!"


  • January 1, 2021
    • at 3:20ish AM
      • "Well, I can get rid of two zeroe's[sic] really easy. Chop-chop, there they go. On the floor.

  • July 26, 2021
      • "I don't know how I feel about role-playing lesbians with my brother"


  1. aka Pip