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=={{anonuser|192.88.21.10}} said==
I know one reason why I don't like to answer the phone or make calls.  The phone is a huge time-suck, especially when friends insist on blathering away for hours on end.  I don't know how to say goodbye, so I get stuck listening to the endless drone.
==[[User:Ginaphobia|Ginaphobia]] said==
My fear is mainly calling someone though ocassionly if a number I don't know calls me I will pass the phone off to a friend to answer... Mostly my fear is that the person will be busy, not want to talk to me, or for some reason angry that I called. And not being able to read their facial expression to judge how they're feeling about whatever we're saying bothers me quite a bit. I dont have a problem answering messages... it was on the other hand very scary for me while trying to record a my voicemail message(if you hear it you'd picture a cornered rabbit). I get very nervous leaving people messages too. It's good to know I'm not alone on this!!


== Sooo... anybody figured out how to cure this yet??? ==
==Archives==
 
Pre-forum discussions:
'''HELP ME!!!''' It's embarrassing, but thank goodness I am not the only one. I hate the phone, hate hate hate it. I don't know for sure where this all came from, but I ''am'' sure it stems from many points of my early childhood--I won't bore anyone with all my personal possible causes. Everyone's comments seem so familiar to me, for the most part, but I fear (ha ha) that my Fear has gone way off the deep-end on this one. I can't make calls, and I can't answer them. I only text from my cellphone, I Instant Message people, I e-mail, I write letters, but I ignore all phone calls. Whether I know who it is or not, I never answer the phone unless it is specifically a friend who I am on my way to meet up with '''and''' either I or they are lost. I text-message while driving (yeah, highly-illegal and extremely unsafe), and lie to people ''when'' I don't call back, making up all kinds of excuses. They believe me, for a little while. My credit was stolen in 2004 by a girl I considered to be my best friend, and I still haven't been able to call these businesses and tell them what happened or to leave me alone, so they leave angry messages on my parents' answering machine, and I just end up lying to my parents by telling them that I am handling it. But I never can. It eats me up inside, I feel like I am going to break down and cry at the thought of making phone calls, I fall fast into a spiralling depression that lasts for as long as I think about having to call anybody, so I keep putting it off by telling myself I will feel stronger tomorrow, and to just put it out of my mind. But the truth is, I have so many calls I need to make, so many things that are past the point of my being able to handle, and so many people I hurt by not being able to just get on the god-foresaken telephone, that I am constantly depressed by it. Whenever I try to fight through it, my throat seizes up and swells like I have an entire apple caught in it, my voice starts to tremble and I am no longer in control of myself. My mind starts racing as I can feel the panic growing, but the only thought that comes in clearly is "Hurry up and get off, say whatever they want to hear, and hang up." But then afterwards, yeah i am so proud that I did it, but I have no memory of what they said, and I recount all the other things I needed to discuss with them which my hasty retreat has kept me from dealing with. I recently lost my job five months ago (not phone phobia related), and I have missed out on countless numbers of opportunities because... well, I just can't call them back! Now my family is getting angry, perceiving it for sheer laziness and an unwillingness to work, when in reality, it is all that I want. If anybody out there is now or has ever been as torn-up over this "unrecognized phobia" PLEASE post something! I have been alienated by this for way too long.
* [[/2005]] (5 posts, including The Hypertwins' original comments)
===Woozle replies===
* [[/2007]] (9 posts, most with replies)
Wow, that sounds even more intense than my issues. Maybe some of my solutions will work for you, though. In any case, you're definitely not alone (as these web pages prove!).
* [[/2008]] (7 posts)
 
* [[/2009]] (5 posts)
First... please feel free to email me, IM me, or even come into the chat rooms, if you're comfortable with realtime text conversations ([[contact]] info). #hypertwins is probably the channel to go to if you're nervous; that's the channel we specifically set up, so it's for whatever we say it's for ;-) and it can certainly be for talking about phone-phobia. (Don't be worried if nobody answers at first; we tend to lurk a lot, so there are long gaps (hours!) when nobody is paying attention -- but we'll see what you typed in the scrollup, and can answer when we get back.)
* [[/2010]] (18 posts)
 
Second... from personal experience, which I think your experience echoes strongly, ''shame'' (a feeling of worthlessness) is one of the worst aspects of this thing. Learning to feel like you deserve to exist as a human being ''in spite of'' not being able to do something so "easy and simple" as making a phone call is something that is important to focus on; otherwise it spirals still further -- the feeling of worthlessness makes it harder to deal with phoning, which makes the shame worse, and so on.
 
Third (or maybe this should be first): I am not a professional counselor and am in no way officially "qualified" to give advice on this issue -- but for all I can tell, nobody has been paying any attention to it yet; we're still at the stage of convincing the professionals that it's a real problem. (Harena's personal cognitive therapist, who is a pretty open-minded and reasonable guy, seems to have gotten it, but I don't think he had ever run into it before.) If there's any way at all for you to talk to a counselor about this, I'd recommend looking into that. We have personally had good experience with the "cognitive therapy" school of counseling. Also, avoid the higher-level academic degrees; H's therapist has a degree in social work. (You should be able to find some that will set up appointments via email; that's how we got started.) That said, I have no problem at all with continuing to give you my personal advice.
 
Next... solutions.
 
Parents and other well-meaning people may advise you to just grit your teeth, pick up the phone, and do it. I have found this to be a recipe for disaster. You ''might'' end up successfully making the current top-priority phone call, but it will only increase your aversion to making the next one.
 
My approach has been twofold, which I'll summarize here and then explain below: (1) do everything you can to make phoning unnecessary, so as to drastically reduce the number of "unavoidable" calls. (2) when a call is really "unavoidable", do everything you can to get to a point where you feel ready for it before you actually do it.
 
1. make phoning unnecessary -- some techniques:
 
Use email whenever possible. If people don't respond to email, send the email as a fax or letter (I often scribble "haven't heard back -- did you receive this?" on the printout). If you have a friend who's willing to help out, have them call to ask if the email/fax/letter was received.
 
[http://vonage.com Vonage] now has a service which will transcribe received messages into text. It costs, so we decided not to use it (I have some avoidance with listening to messages, but it's pretty mild), and so I don't know how good it is -- but you can sign up for Vonage phone service without having to use the phone at all. (You'll need to have broadband internet for it to work, though.)
 
Do "phoning triage" -- if you think you could handle, say, one phone call a month as long as you could be sure you wouldn't have to deal with the damn thing the ''rest'' of the month, then work out what your most important call is, and do ''just that call'' -- and to hell with the rest of them. Guilt is the motivation-killer.
 
2. make sure you're ready
 
This gets into the specifics of why one avoids phoning, and your reasons may be different from mine; I'll tell you what has worked for me and what the underlying mechanisms seem to be, and hopefully this will help you figure out what's going on in ''your'' head and therefore what might help you.
 
Some background:
 
What I've noticed about phone calls is that during a conversation I will sometimes get what I think of as "mental pain spikes" -- almost like an electric shock, in retrospect, but at the time it just feels like PANIC and FAILURE -- which seem to be caused by certain situations, and that it is these "spikes" that are the major thing causing the aversion. (Shocks are often used in so-called "aversion therapy" when psychologists are trying to ''encourage'' an aversion to something harmful, so it would seem like a no-brainer that an internal shock-like feeling would cause much the same effect.)
 
One of those situations is when I ask a question and the other person replies with something incomprehensible to me -- what they said ''sounds'' reasonable or sensible, but I don't seem to be able to pick out the answer to my question in what they've said. (Panic!) Another is where they give me information, but it's somehow not the sort of answer or information I was expecting, and I don't know what to say next in order to get closer to getting whatever it was that I wanted in the first place, the reason I made the damn phone call. (Panic!) In general, the pattern seems to be that something unplanned-for or unexpected happens, and the amount of time I need in order to puzzle it out is ''too long'' -- longer than what feels like a comfortable gap between lines of dialogue.
 
So one thing I try to do is get as much information as possible clarified in both directions (reduce both the number of questions I might have to ask and the number of questions the other person might have to ask, as well as the number of mistaken assumptions either one of us might be making) so as to greatly simplify the conversation. The best way to do this, of course, is if you can get in touch via email first -- which you might ''think'' would eliminate the need for the conversation altogether, but some people apparently just "like to talk", and it can be really difficult to explain to them that this is a problem for you, because for them it is ''easier''. The best strategy for this seems to be a sort of passive resistance -- keep emailing doggedly until they force the issue by calling you.
 
One really great way to reduce conversational complexity, though, which almost always works, is the fax/mail approach I mentioned above. If you've already sent them a message explaining what you need, then ''all'' you have to do when calling is (1) give your name, and (2) ask if they received the message (email, fax, or letter) you sent. Even if you end up talking to several layers of receptionists, you just have to add one more bit of information (who you're trying to reach). "Hi, my name is __ and I'm trying to reach __." They will then either say "Oh, __ isn't in, may I take a message?" or "Let me connect you..." or, at worst, "May I ask what this is in regard to?" -- at which point the answer is "I sent him/her a letter last week, and I just wanted to make sure s/he got it." Totally non-confrontational, and puts the onus on them to find the letter and read it.
 
And finally... it looks like I need to expand the "phone-phobia" section of this site, and maybe set up a BBS-style forum to make it easier to post comments (most people apparently aren't used to wiki-style discussion). If you create an account on this wiki, you can "watch" these pages, and the wiki software will send you a notification whenever anything changes. (And no, I don't give out or sell my contact information to ''anyone''.)
 
Please do feel free to get in touch, though; we have a very supportive community on VillageIRC, including at least one other phone-phobia sufferer.
 
--[[User:Woozle|Woozle]] 08:54, 20 September 2007 (EDT)
 
== Bittersweet to hear I'm not the only one ==
 
mmmmmI'm not really sure if this is real or not! I'm in complete shock that anyone else in this world even remotely understands my fear/pain. This has been my life for many years and I too have lost many friends over one (or lack there of) phone call. I was fortunate enough to have someone make an appointment with a pshyciatric group for me. Even with that no one there was able to help, other then to tell me I was depressed. Well, no kidding!!! This is the worst aspect of my life and I'm beginning to think it will be what takes my life too. Thank you all so much for giving me hope and for the first time ever, UNDERSTANDING!!!!
 
For me, I feel more hatred for hearing the phone ring then fear. No, I don't make calls either but I never really saw it as a fear before. Also, there is one person that I (almost)always answer for. Sometimes I'm even happy to make calls, only to certain people of course. Although I usually feel guilty after hanging up because I don't remember the conversation.Either I'm so proud of myself for making the call or so anxious to get off the phone. This just in turn makes the next call with that person worse. It's a snowball effect. Next time I do talk to them, I don't want to hear them complain about "where have you been"or "what took you so long" I HATE IT. Those two questions are reasons why I never returned calls to people who were very close to me and in turn avoided them feeling embarrassed and ultimately losing them. Maybe, it would help if I knew why, but I really just want to get over this.
===Woozle replies===
The psychiatric profession seems to be slow to pick up on this one; they always want to try "de-sensitization", if they aren't in the "just do it!" camp.
 
I may have a solution worth trying -- for getting treatment, that is, not a "cure" outright -- but I have to do some research, in my extremely limited time, so '''please''' keep checking back here, or even better [[contact]] me.
 
So far nobody who has posted here ever seems to come back for more discussion; possibly guilt? I know very well the power that guilt and shame have. Just keep trying -- if you can't make yourself do it today, try again another day. Whatever you do, don't decide you're useless and end it all. This thing is ''not your fault''.
 
If at all possible, '''nag me''' about this. My idea (so far) is to work out a way to make connections between phone-phobia sufferers, wherever they may be, and a friendly therapist I know locally -- via email or text chat, not phone! -- as well as setting up forum software to make it easier to post comments here.
 
--[[User:Woozle|Woozle]] 15:00, 17 October 2007 (EDT)
 
== i'm also a phone phobic! ==
 
Gosh, I thought I'm the only one in this whole wide world who have this problem.Few weeks back, I read several part-time job ads and the ads only listed a phone number and name of a person that I should talk with.Well..till this day I haven't made any phone calls yet because I don't like talking to strangers.I hate it and I feel scared..and I don't know why on earth should I feel scared talking to another human being.Many times I tried to force myself to pick up the phone and call the companies but I just can't.I keep postponing doing it and I feel depressed thinking about it.I think it all began when I was young,I made several calls to companies and government agencies to ask about something.Most of them answer my calls in a rude manner as if I'm disturbing them with silly questions.I also don't like talking over the phone with friends because I always don't know what to say to make the conversation interesting.Anyway,today I'm going to make one phone call to one of the companies.I think I should put the fears behind and make the call!well...it's easier said than done :-)
 
Haha, like everyone else here, I am so surprised to find that others are dealing with this same problem that I've had for ''ages'' now... email has always been my favoured form of communication, and having had more than a few online-friends, I wasn't really forced to use the phone much. Now that I'm in college I have to call professor's offices, advisors, etc. and it's fairly awful - it's not that I can't think of things to say, or that I just forget what I was calling about, but it's just the dialing, calling, and waiting that makes me get all shaky and faint.
 
The apprehension of calling people at their offices or at their work is worse, I think because it's hard to know when they'll be available to talk and if I'm bothering them at all by calling. It's gotten to the point where I just have to find all possible ways to avoid the phone until I know the person will be away and then will have to call me back. I've thought about talking to my counsellor about this but I don't know, it seems pretty embarrassing to have to admit that I've nearly passed out from knowing I'd have to call someone out of the blue to ask about something.
 
It's kind of easier knowing that I have no friends anymore that I have to call, but setting up appointments and making reservations and stuff just kills me, until they answer and everything seems to go fine. Blah. It sucks and it's cool to know there are more of you out there.
 
toelessjoe
 
I have thrown far too many phones into the toilet.
 
== Leaving messages? ==
 
I have a huge problem with leaving messages. I just can't do it. I break down crying if I need to, and I usually end up just not doing it. I'm fine calling and talking on the phone, answering it, everything that has to do with phones is fine, but leaving messages just... I just die. ARGH. Any help/advice?
 
Ryhoiku
 
== '''Reasons for not using a phone''' ==
 
My own Phone phobia has stopped me from using or owning a phone for over ten years. There are many reasons why i can't use a phone but the main ones i know for sure.
For incoming calls it is the fear that i am not in control of the conversation, and that i have been unable to think about what might be asked.
For outgoing calls i fear getting a wrong number,an answer phone or as others have said someone not wanting your call.
For all phone conversations i hate not having the body language that helps conversation, to me speaking on a phone is like being autistic, People use there bodies while talking all the time and being unable to see that make the understanding of the conversation harder, I also hate hearing my own voice and the thought others might hear it, as a child i had a speech defect which needed speech therapy and i still remember the cruelty of the other children as they picked up on my speech problem.
Many people do not understand this condition and what a disabling effect it can have on your life. It has cost me jobs, relationships and money. My own Doctor offered me a helpline number that i could ring to talk about phobias, so it can be hard to get treatment when even the professionals don't take it seriously.
--[[User:81.141.251.238|81.141.251.238]] 01:48, 6 March 2008 (EST)  Adam
 
== Me too!!!!! ==
 
Thank God I'm not alone!  Let me explain what I've discovered about my aversion, and then share some solutions.
 
I avoid incoming phone calls from clients because I believe they are mad at me (usually because I've been avoiding their calls!).  What lies beneath this is my aversion to being upset and angry back at them.  I can't pick up the phone.  And I'm afraid to check messages also.  I can't stand when I think people are angry at me, and what I'm finding is that I'm angry at them underneath it all.
 
So the next time you receive a call or need to make a call and can't, slow down the process and try and identify the thought that comes before the fear or aversion hits.  What is the thought you are believing in that moment?  Just slow it all down and dive in for the love of truth and your own freedom.  Find the underlying belief.  Don't do this to make yourself make the call or take the call!  Relax and be curious and learn.  Then answer the following questions. Here's an example:
 
They are angry at me.  '''Is it true?'''  Yes!
'''Can I absolutely know for sure if it's true or not that they are angry at me?''' No, there is no way for me to know that for sure.
'''How do I react when I think the thought that they are angry at me?'''  I get anxious, torn up, just wish everyone would leave me alone.  I become afraid, angry.  I'm scared I'm going to lose everyone and everything.
'''Who would I be without that thought that they are angry at me?''' Well, I'd be calm, and probably just pick up the phone.
 
''' And then turn the original thought around:'''  They aren't angry at me; that could be just as true!  I'm angry at them;  oh God, that is so true.  In fact that seems to hit home more than they are angry at me.  They love me (love as opposite of anger);  let me make a list of how they show they love me.
 
Try those four questions and the turn arounds.  It's about self realization, not about making yourself use the phone.
 
Also, check out www.thework.com for more info on those 4 questions.
 
== I've created a space for this ==
 
I've created a "network" on ning.com for phone-phobia discussion: http://telephobia.ning.com/
 
Please feel free to join, post, make comments (there or here, etc). I've only just discovered Ning and don't know how well it will work out -- but I've found it quite usable so far. Maybe we can make some progress on this thing now :-) --[[User:Woozle|Woozle]] 12:08, 9 March 2008 (EDT)
 
== I don't experiance fear, just intense dread. ==
 
I can't say that I am afraid, and there is no panic. I just dread making phone calls, so bad that I will put them off for days, sometimes longer and stress over it the whole time. And it's the personal calls that are the most difficult, the people I love. And it's getting worse. Apparently I need help. I've become the texting/email queen.
 
 
== Fears ==
Found this page after having another difficult time trying to convince myself to make a phone call (to a friend).
 
I suppose I have some sort of social phobia too (being a computer programmer and internet junkie), but it gets ridiculous with the phone calls.
 
Odd thing is that I can make and receive phone calls from work - i.e. when I know what it's about, and I am generaly comfortable talking with my coworkers (small company).
 
Receiving an un-solicited phone call, or making a phone call to anybody outside work or family is hard... I try to delay making a phone call - do something else, push it out of my memory, for days.
 
And phone ring of course always gives me chills - CallerID is great help, but first thing you hear is always a ring.
 
I do have several memories of bad phone experiences from my childhood. One is a phone call about my granddad dying (I wasn't even the one answering, just remember that I guessed what it was about...). Another is that I was alone at home lots of times (only after age of 7 I guess), and my parents would call me from work asking what I am doing, why I am not playing outside etc.
 
No explanation on why I fear making calls though, I think it developed later. I feel that this all stems from the fact that when I call anybody, it's to ask for something. And I don't like asking for stuff - I guess I got that from my dad.
 
== i know what is wrong with me. Fran from spain ==
 
i never had a phone at home till i was 18, my family was poorly communicational any way. i generally have a lot to say face to face but find phones really cold. i can use them when i have a reason to do so, but i cant talk about nothing for minutes and hours, which is what many phone addicts do.
I suffer mainly phoning and receiving phone calls from family and friends, i feel like it is not me, also if my wife goes away i feel i dont want to know about her as she has been unfaithful before and i just dont trust her on the phone, even less i mean, i feel her words mean nothing as i cant look at her eyes.
basically i am closed to enjoy the phone as i look at it as a waste of time  mainly and also feel constantly brainwashed to use it by publicity. so my rebel says no.
 
== Ginaphobia yours is similar to mine... ==
 
I'm afraid of talking to people I don't know... I can talk to close friends and very close family. I have trouble talking to my dads grandparents because I almost never see them. I don't know exactly why but I think it's something to do with not being able to see the person I'm talking to. Because I know my friends, I don't have a problem talking to them. I can predict what they will say to some extent. But if someone calls me and I have no idea who it is, I just don't pick up...
I'm glad to see that there are other people! I kinda thought that I was weird or something =P
 
== Nicole from Baltimore ==
 
I really thought that I was alone in this!  I am "afraid" of communication with more than just the telephone.  I am okay typing this comment out because I know that I know none of the people who posted here personally and therefore have no pressure to come back to see if anyone responded.  But if I do need to type an email to someone, it takes me forever just as this comment will because it has to be just so.  And using the phone?  Forget it.  It's weird because I answer phones at my work but I can handle that because I don't know the people I am talking to personally EXCEPT that now after working there for 3 years certain customers now recognise my voice and want to chat and I end up being extremly rude because I just can't do it.  I have missed important legal appointments because I refuse to call to re-schedule.  The sound of the phone makes me cringe and I actually get pains in my chest.  So, 6 months ago, I start using FaceBook and all these people, literally almost 200, that I met during my lifetime sends me friend invites which is fine.  But then they send me a message and I can't bring myself to open it!  They just keep piling up and piling up until now it's overwhelming.  I'm afraid to even go on the site in fear that someone will see me and want to chat. So I just keep myself offline. And I realize that this phone phobia is beyond just the phone.  My mother suffers from the same thing.  Hers started while pregnant with me (a whole story in itself)and I believe my phobia started because she always avoided the phone and made me answer it saying that it was probably a creditor wanting money that she didn't have or some relative or another that got on her nerves and that she didn't want to be bothered.  So, I associate using the phone and answering it with bad news. I have been labeled a procrastinator (sp?)because of my avoidance to a phone and email.  I don't know.  At least I know I'm not alone.  Now how do I explain to my freinds and others that I've avoided them for all this time because I'm afraid of email and phones? :S
===Woozle says===
Ouch! I think I know the kind of dread/fear you're talking about. What you're saying sounds to me like social phobia, which fits in with one of my theories that phone phobia [http://telephobia.ning.com/profiles/blogs/phone-phobia-an-expression-of may be an expression of social phobia], at least for some sufferers (not necessarily all).
 
I don't know if this will help any, but maybe it can evolve into something workable: you could write a stock paragraph explaining the situation, to send in response anytime you find yourself not answering someone -- something like this:<blockquote>I apologize for not responding sooner. Lately I have found myself becoming highly avoidant -- or even phobic -- about responding to emails, online messages, and phone calls. As a result, I am only able to respond to a small number of messages at a time, and it may be awhile before I respond specifically to your message.</blockquote>At that point, I wanted to continue with something like:<blockquote>Please feel free to message me again if this is urgent, and that will help me to prioritize and respond to the most important messages first.</blockquote>
...but I didn't know if the idea of people sending you ''yet more'' messags would be panic-inducing or not. If it helps, consider that any ''repeat'' messages would be from people who had already messaged you before -- so you could essentially file away or discard whatever they said earlier, and by telling them "can't get back to you right now, but let me know if this is urgent" you can sort of toss the ball back into their court, and move their message into a "later" pile so it isn't staring you in the face.
 
And then you would finish up with something like:<blockquote>I appreciate your understanding and patience while I work this out.</blockquote>...and then sign it however you usually sign things.
 
That's just one idea; it will probably need some refinement to work for you, so don't be afraid to say why you don't like it -- maybe I can help fix the problems with it, or suggest other ideas. Obviously this won't work for responding to voicemails, for example -- I've found a number of ways of getting around having to actually call people most of the time (probably something I should type up a wiki page about).
 
Hang in there, remember to breathe, give yourself time to collect your energy. There seems to be a lot of social pressure which says that you ''should'' be able to respond immediately ("just pick up the phone and call -- what's so hard?"), that you're just being lazy or defiant or something -- but I find that feeling guilty about it just makes the problem worse. "Just try harder!" (something I've heard a lot) is ''not'' the answer. Unless I'm completely misreading your situation, you actually need to go the ''other'' direction, and cut yourself some slack so that you can function, even if that functioning is less than what other people expect or demand. --[[User:Woozle|Woozle]] 09:07, 30 January 2010 (EST)
 
I have spent years thinking that I was just weird, lol.  I'm not sure how this started, when I was younger, I had no problems.  If I had to guess when it started, I would say when I was about 18 or 19.  It takes me anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 days to work myself up to make a phone call...even to family. When the phone rings, I have to check the caller id, if I don't know the number I don't answer.  Even if I know who it is, I still have a hard time answering, and most of the time, I just don't.  This leads to my children not getting doctors appts. and important things not getting done.....I can't talk to anyone but my mom & my husband without some kind of small anxiety attack!  I feel bad because my in-laws of 9 years want to talk to me, and I just can't!  I try to tell my mom in law that it's nothing personal, but I can tell it hurts her feelings and I feel bad....I have been trying to get over it, but it seems as though it is getting worse year by year, so I don't know.  If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it! Thanks in advance.
 
== I'm a know-it-all to my phobia ==
 
My phobia of phones is similar to many others posted here.  I know what it is, why it is, and how to correct it.  But, the resolve deals with picking up the phone; I'm a know-it-all to my condition.
 
First to share what my phobia entails.  I cannot say at the exact time my phobia began to manifest itself.  I do know that at 35 is when I did something about it.  I can talk on the phone just fine if someone calls me.  In collage I worked for 3 years at a call center (in-coming calls).  I can text, IM, email with ease.  But, when I need to make a call... well, that is when uncontrollable fear sets in.  Uncontrollable, unfounded, uneasy, jaw-clenching, heart-beating fear.  I've even conquered my phobia for a while.  And now it creeps back in, and so I begin the recovery anew.
 
I am sure anyone who suffers from telephobia will have a different view, outlook, experience than myself... but in sharing is the therapy for me and the hope for others.
 
One and a half years ago, my form-ifey (that's former-wifey) asked for a divorce.  Things had not been going well for a year already and we had tried marriage counseling but in the end our marriage didn't weather the storm. During the separation and before we finalized the divorce, the form-ifey mentioned she would consider counseling one more time, but I would have to go on my own as well.  I don't like to lose.  I don't like to give-up.  I was determined not to get a divorce, I knew we could fix it.  (I was wrong, but I had hoped.)
 
I began researching counselors and techniques and found a therapist that had just opened a free clinic that assisted the homeless and low-income community.  I figured a guy that would dedicate 2 days a week to therapy for the needy, with out getting paid would be a good guy to go to.  The marriage counselor my form-ifey and I had visited before had simply gone "by the book". She would open a book and read things then give us books to read at home.  The sessions did help me realize I had social anxiety.  Didn't like to talk to people, meet new people, going out was fine as long as there was a plan and people I knew.  By the book, she put me on medication. 10mg of Lexapro a day.  Worked fine to ease some of that social tension at the get-go, but over time the body acclimates, and the dosage needs to be upped, and eventually changed to a new drug.  Lexapro worked for me for the social phobia, but I hate depending on drugs.
Back to the new therapist, he uses regression hypno-therapy and New Age/Buddhist philosophies to engage and treat what ails ya.  As much as I hated drugs, I hated psycho-voodoo. Until I started therapy.
 
The therapist's approach was to look at my past to define current behaviors.  I already knew of my social phobias, but lurking under the umbrella was my telephobia.  After a few months of repeat visits, my social phobia had abated.  If my fear of social situations was 10 before, now it was a 2 or 3 at most.  But, talking on the phone... still something I feared and avoided.  Did I mention I am a small business owner?  I have two business partners.  If I had to call a client, I would make an excuse and have one of them do it.  In my marriage, to make appointments or get information, I had always devised a way to get my form-ifey to do it.
 
After a few more sessions, I confronted my fear of the phone and its origin.  Boiled down, it is a social phobia due to my lack of self-esteem, brought on by various events in my past.  I didn't like the sound of my voice, I didn't like me, so why would someone on the other end of the phone?  I can't see their reaction to me, so i can't tell if they like me or not.  I can't tell if they are mocking me or agreeing with me.  I can't tell if they are annoyed with my call that is probably interrupting something more pressing... all of this builds up before making a call, at times causing it to feel like a big hand reaching around my mid-section and just squeezing.  So there it is.  Revealed, confronted, healed. I picked up the phone and began calling and talking to everyone, co-workers, clients, friends and family I had long neglected, even a few friends I hadn't seen in 10 - 15 yrs.  It felt good, liberating, en-livening!
 
That was almost 8 months ago.  About 6 months ago, I had stopped attending sessions with my therapist. Being self-employed my cheap insurance didn't cover sessions with a therapist unless you are committed by a doctor.  Out of pocket was getting expensive since business was down. Today I wanted to call a friend to invite her out, but I couldn't pick up the phone to call.  Instead, I sent a text.  "Hey, saw something that made me think of u. Call me when u have time."  That made me realize, for the past month I have been avoiding the phone again.  I re-evaluated.  I would say social anxiety has gone up to a 5 lately.  Telephobia 10.
 
Our brains are filled with synapses, pathways for the neurons to travel.  For years they traveled the path that said, "You are afraid."  Once you lessen those pathways and build new ones, you can alter your behavior.  But, just like the muscles of your body, if you don't practice, work-out, keep them up, you loose the tone of them.  The path of least resistance.  You brain is re-wired, but you have to exercise it.  I realize now it will be a life-long process.  I know why.  I know how.  I know  how to fix it.  I'm a know-it-all of my phobia.
 
So today I resolved to visit my therapist again to get some more training and guidance.  It is Sunday, first thing tomorrow morning, I'm going to pick up that phone and make the call to schedule the appointment.
...if only the therapist's website allowed me to schedule the appointment online...
 
M in Vegas
 
== Kat from England ==
 
I'm not so scared of answering the phone as I am of making the phone calls.  Often the thought of calling - even when it's in response to a missed call - will make my heart do that tight feeling (very literate...) and I sit there shaking, particularly if I know I have to make this phone call.  The longer I try and put it off the tighter this feeling is because I don't want to muck up the phone call.  The meal-time thing is definitely me, as is the lack of things to say.  I hate talking to people that haven't met me, although I'm the same with everyone to a lesser degree - because on the phone I often panic (don't have a pen to write down their information, don't have the right documentation on me) and also because I'm a little scared of not being able to hear what they say and it's awkward to ask again.  Also; I find it terrifying to think that they might misunderstand a joke/sarcastic comment on the phone as a mean comment (particularly with friends) and so I become suddenly stilted.  The same things happen when I pick up the phone but to a much smaller degree because I'm forced to react to stop it ringing!
 
Sorry if that didn't make much sense...
===Absolutely===
It totally made sense. Most of it sounds like something I could have written. --[[User:Woozle|Woozle]] 17:00, 4 June 2010 (EDT)
==Jennifer in AZ==
I along with everyone else it seems, am kind of shocked to find out that I am not the only one with this problem. I cannot even answer the phone when my own mother calls me from across the country. It is in no way a fear of the person or (for me) what they think of me. I just hate THE PHONE. I dislike walkie-talkies and I hate the drive-thru. I would much rather walk into a McDonalds than use the drive-thru. This has made my life so difficult. I've lost track of friends, come across as unreliable and flaky, and irresponsible. I avoid making all calls (even ones that HAVE to be made) for weeks on end if not months on end. I have tried seeking help for this (and a possibly contributing bi-polar disorder) but my avoidance to make calls has kept me from all except about one call a month for 6 months to try and make an appointment with a psychiatrist. No one believes that it is real, and I assure you, it is. If I do manage to make a call, I have to pace and walk around, sitting is not an option. My heart just about beats out of my chest, I talk too fast so the other person has trouble understanding me, and I feel like I am about to have a panic attack. I have finally gotten the name of a doctor who is taking new patients and I have tried twice today alone to get ahold of his secretary (twice!!!!! in one day!!!! it's a miracle for me) and keep getting the answering machine. This is even worse because the return call won't be on MY terms, I never know when it's coming and that scares the hell out of me. So here goes nothing, guys, I'm gonna try him one more time.... cross your fingers, b/c I think I'm gonna end up having a damn heart attack if I can't get this over with! --Jennifer in AZ
===Woozle says===
I'd forgotten about fast food drive-through speakers -- I hate those things too, but ordering face-to-face is sometimes almost as bad, so I've talked myself into using them. It's almost a script. (It helps when they have the little readout thingy which shows you what they think your order is... when it's working, anyway.) I do wish they would put out a small computer terminal where you could just place your order, though -- I've been wishing that since at least the 1990s... along with search engines for grocery stores which tell you what aisle something is on and whether they have any in stock, but now I'm getting off-topic.
 
I guess the doctor you found doesn't have email? That's definitely something to ask about; of the several doctors we've dealt with in the past 2 years, only one didn't have any email. Someone planning to treat phone phobia should be aware of the need for alternative contact methods.
 
Please feel free to print out this page, the [[phone-phobia|main phone-phobia page]], or anything from the [http://telephobia.ning.com Ning site] which might help convince others that this isn't "just you", and bring it with you to the doctor.
 
Hope this is helpful! Good luck, and please feel free to let me/us know how things go. --[[User:Woozle|Woozle]] 08:20, 8 June 2010 (EDT)
 
== i'm also have a phone phobia ==
 
I think it started when I was a young child.  My parents were in debt and getting calls from creditors.  They didn't want to answer the phone in case the creditors were calling, (this was before caller id) so they would tell me to answer.  It was terrifying.  My mother would tell me to lie to them and tell them she wasn't home.  I remember being yelled at by various strangers because my mom never called them back and they accused me of not giving her the messages.  Eventually I completely refused to pick up the phone for her and we had several battles about it. I was punished for not answering the phone when it rang and accused of having a phobia.  I was very young at the time.  As I grew older I still would not pick up the phone, even after the creditors stopped calling.  Nowadays, with caller id I'll pick up if I know the caller but not when an unknown number calls.  I'm afraid of who it might be and if I'm in trouble and they will yell at me for something! 
 
I am fine using the phones at work for customer service however recently they have asked me to make cold calls but when it comes to making a sales call I have terrible anxiety.  I can't figure out what to say, and I'm afraid that I will forget what I'm saying mid-conversation. I also worry about not sounding professional, and how do I communicate with seasoned business people when I'm so inexperienced.  Does anyone have advice for me?  I physically can't seem to make the calls.

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