User:Woozle/blog/2009-08-25 0654 Joshercize your way to rage and exhaustion/var/$text.below

He objected to Sandy getting up early; he stomped around and repeatedly turned off all the lights. Sandy had to fight with him to get his teeth brushed, though he cooperated with the underarm deodorant. He kept putting his clothes away, and wouldn't let Sandy get out his school notebook; I finally came up with the ruse of continually turning on lights (which he would then rush to turn off... eventually we just had a Mexican standoff with me hovering near the light, ready to turn it off if he got too far from it) to distract his attention from her.

We had been told that the bus would arrive around 6:45, but allow 10 minutes on either side -- so at 6:25, we started getting ready to implement Plan B.

And then we heard the bus honking.

Plan B was to go like this: In as calm a fashion as possible (so as not to trigger Josh's oppositional behavior), I would escort him out to the car and sit him in the front passenger seat where he usually rides. If he was cooperative, I would then get him dressed; if he was not cooperative, I would drive him somewhere nearby and try again (as has worked in the past). And then we would wait for the bus.

What actually happened was this:

1. Race out to tell the bus driver to hang on because we were just getting him dressed, having been told to expect the bus no earlier than 6:35.
2. When bus driver insists that he can't wait very long, explain that it takes us 5 or 10 minutes to get Josh dressed, so we really need to know exactly when the bus will be arriving; make note of fact that bus driver said he will be here at 6:25 in the future.
3. Rush back into house, try to corral Josh:
   • Herd Josh out of living room
   • Run after Josh when he goes upstairs instead of down the hall
   • Grab Josh and physically carry him down the stairs (note to parents: this is why Sandy can't handle Josh by herself)
   • Herd Josh through the dining and kitchen areas (it's all a blank, but I'm sure he was fighting and making unhappy sounds the whole time)
   • Stop him from going into the laundry room
   • Shove him out the door and escort him firmly to the car
4. Get Josh dressed in the car:
   • Hand him underwear; take it back when he starts looking for some place to hide it.
   • Start taking off his shirt, which he miraculously cooperates with
   • Hand him his new shirt, which he miraculously puts on
   • Hand him his pants - same
   • Put his shoes on the floor of the car - same
5. Stop Josh from escaping around the car instead of going to the bus -- oops, too late
6. Chase Josh across the front lawn
7. Apprehend Josh and bring him back towards the driveway
8. Stop Josh from going back into the house
9. Physically lift and restrain as necessary and drag him towards the bus
   • we ended up in a sort of very energetic bounce-skip, where I think he was hoping the bounces would let him break free of my grip -- but I just bounced with him
10. Shove him into the bus, give bus driver the backpack, wish him good luck and apologize for the delay
11. Collapse on couch, panting
12. ???
13. PROFIT!

To be done later: receive phone call from Jordan, go pick up Josh who "just won't settle down". Or, at the very least, spend entire day dreading the sound of the phone ringing.