Store Trek/ideas/Amok Crime
< Store Trek | ideas
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
Mr. Stock, who is half-Hulkan, begins inexplicably beating up other members of the crew, claiming they attacked him first. When surveillance video is played showing that he is wrong, Stock accuses Captain Clerk of "fostering an atmosphere of distrust" amongst the crew and demands an apology from those he attacked, insisting that he was only concerned about integrity in the ship-building industry and outraged that he is now being "censored" for expressing himself freely.
- When Dr. DeCoy ("Dammit, Jim, I'm a hologram, not a doctor!") investigates and discovers that Mr. Stock's biological portfolio has become saturated with mansplainin, a hormone unique to Hulkans, Mr. Stock backs down and apologizes for the fact that other people were offended by his actions, admitting that he appears to have been suffering from "Gon Farr" -- a condition which causes members of his species to exceed their authority, blame others for their own actions, and get away with it. It occurs in all Hulkan males every seven years or whenever they have a really bad day, and necessitates return to the home planet for treatment in order to prevent accountability. Mr. Stock accordingly requests a leave of absence for therapy under the supervision of Hulkan physical fitness legend K'Pau.
- "Therapy" in this case turns out to consist of beating up members of other species until the sufferer feels better, in a ceremony known as the "Coon-Hunt-Pur-if-fie". (This ceremony takes place in the ancient ruins of GamerGate, a once-great city destroyed by government corruption. No, really. It had nothing to do with self-appointed city guardians going around threatening bodily harm to anyone who questioned their right to go around threatening bodily harm. History books simply cannot explain why people stopped wanting to live there; it's a huge mystery.)
- Unfortunately, due to increasingly affordable interstellar travel, there is a shortage of volunteers for the ritual; Captain Clerk offers himself in order to save the career of his CFO -- but unfortunately, as the ritual proceeds, it becomes clear that Clerk has underestimated the strength and obliviousness of a fully pumped-up Hulkan deep in the state of Flak Blow, and begins to tire. Fortunately Dr. DeCoy is able to slip Clerk a media player featuring historical broadcasts from Fox News, which quickly causes Clerk to lapse into a state of apparent brain-death, satisfying Stock's inbred Hulkan need to triumph over smaller and weaker creatures.