Woozle/Jenny/The Hug

I'm told that when I was a baby, I just wanted to be held. That was the only thing that would calm me down when I was upset, and it would always calm me down.

Growing up, though, physical contact (kissing grandma, hugging relatives) was neither consensual nor an expression of genuine caring. My family, though excellent in terms of providing support for the physical needs of their children, were (at best) at something of a loss for dealing with our emotional needs – especially me, with my undiagnosed gender dysphoria, undiagnosed ADHD-PI, documented but ignored memory issues, obvious separation anxiety, and social problems at school (probably due to the dysphoria plus undiagnosed autism).

On top of that, I was fed a steady diet of belief that one's career and professional achievements were the entirety of one's worth – and while I was hardly a failure in grade school, I was not excelling; I was repeatedly admonished for not "living up to your potential", with all the implications that had for my worth as a human being and (therefore) my sense of self-worth.

I became averse to contact – the one thing that made me feel content and at peace (when offered genuinely and consensually) became something that I avoided and didn't even realize I desperately needed. I was left with a sense of emotional emptiness and a feeling of worthlessness surrounding my lack of ability to do what I was "supposed" to be doing.

I had no community, no friends I could count on, no emotional support. Just people who sometimes would play with me and people who were related to me...

...and I thought this was normal, what everyone has to deal with, and what's wrong with me that I feel so unmotivated? Obviously I just need to try harder.

And then Jenny changed all that, more or less by accident.