Store Trek/ideas

Repubulans

• The Repubulan Fair-and-Balanced Zone
  • Clerk: One thing I don't understand... I thought this zone was supposed to be a buffer between the Repubulan Empire and the United Corporation of Profits -- so why are we supposed to stay on our side, but you're allowed to cross it?
  • Repubulon: Captain Clerk, we will no longer tolerate your attempts to divert attention away from the crisis on Beta Benghazi Five!
• The Repubulan Truth-Cloaking Device
  • Stock: If my calculations are correct, the Repubulans will lower their truth-cloaking in approximately zero point five three two seconds...
  • Mulu: Truth cloaking down, Captain -- the Republulans are revealing their true intentions!
  • Clerk: Quick, Mr. Mulu -- we'll only have one shot to get in a rational argument!
  • Mulu: They're firing a propaganda blast at us! ...and cloaked again, sir.
  • Clerk: Mr. Mulu -- evasive maneuvers, spin factor seven!

Regulons

Always trying to impose "big government" on the Corporation.

Organicans

A mysterious race that maintains an appearance of being extremely low-tech while in fact possessing advanced agricultural technology. One day, the Corporation will evolve to the mental level of the Organicans, and become sustainable. Until then, the Organicans occasionally intervene in ecological crises.

Cybertarians

A quasi-robotic race that is known for its incessant extolling of the virtues of individuality and personal freedom and the evils of oppression whilst consistently destroying any attempts to unite against its domination.

"Do you not enjoy liberty and personal freedom? We of the Cybertarians have unlimited liberty and personal freedom. None may oppose the might of our individuality. You must join us. You too will be differentiated."

Misc.

• Lieutenant Obama, communications officer?
• Storefleet Command actually considers the mission of the Private Enterprise to be irrelevant, but pretends otherwise
  • Frequently cutting crew benefits - Dr. DeCoy is a hologram (Dammit, Jim, I'm a hologram, not a doctor! / I'm not a doctor, but I play one in 3d) and can only offer brand-driven medical advice, not actual treatment
• USS Overdrawn, NSF 404
• USS Competition - very small - always being blown up by other Corporation ships

Monologue

Profit - the finance frontier. These are the ventures of the storeship Private Enterprise. Its five-year amortized tax write-off: to seek out new wealth, and new monetization... to boldly sell what no-one has wanted before!

Episodes

• "Beyond the Edge of Sanity": While mapping a previously unknown area of the economy, the Private Enterprise is caught in a microtrading storm and two crewmen receive anonymous insider tips which give them strange powers, threatening the safety of 3Q earnings.
• "Capital on the Edge of Forever": Exploring the uncharted fiscal cliffs at the edges of known finance, the ship is rocked by distortions in the market which appear to be artificial in origin. The distortions prevent the ship's spin drive from operating, and the crew is forced to investigate the artifact. Upon beaming down, they discover a strange artifact -- called a "library" -- which records all of known history, and will allow anyone to access those records... for free. [crew is shocked; cut to commercial] The artifact, when asked, reveals that the "fiscal cliffs" are actually a psychic projection intended to keep humanity from doing anything really stupid just to make a political point. Mr. Stock uses the Velveeta Mind Melt to enable the bridge crew to navigate through the illusion, whereupon they discover an old man named Obi-Wan Bernanke who convinces them that the illusion must be maintained for the greater good of the economy. The crew return and fire fundon torpedoes at the artifact until its budget is slashed and it is forced to close. Clerk concludes that there are some things the market was not meant to know, and that capital is meant to be invested in ventures with a profitable return rather than being left to sit for all eternity providing free services to moochers.