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- Chuck Norris doesn't need to defeat rational arguments. Logic itself explodes when he arrives.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to prove himself right: reality distorts in his presence.
- Chuck Norris rearranges facts using only the raw power of his unassailable beliefs. Mere evidence cannot withstand the massive onslaught of his ability to ignore it.
(inspired by this post)
(swiped from David Gerard)
- Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked gay marriage, and fell flat on his ass.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He's worrying about gay marriage.
- Chuck Norris's tears cure gay marriage. Too bad for him he never cries.
- There is no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard. There is only the quivering fear of gay marriage.
- Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups – he might accidentally get gay-married.
- When Chuck Norris goes to sleep every night, he would check his closet for gay marriage, if he had a closet.
- Chuck Norris does not go opposing gay marriage, because the word "opposing" implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris already failed to stop gay marriage.
- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil to stop gay marriage. When the deal had been done, the devil gay-married him.
- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. Tell him how fabulous gay marriage is.