Woozle/Jenny/note/009 - Revision history

Woozle: /* The Dream */ link

2020-04-19T00:57:46Z

The Dream: link

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:57, 19 April 2020
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	# On a certain evening, J was freaking out because she was having extreme difficulty motivating herself to get a particular piece of homework done		# On a certain evening, J was freaking out because she was having extreme difficulty motivating herself to get a particular piece of homework done
	# ...for a class in which she was not doing well, and was afraid she might fail...		# ...for a class in which she was not doing well, and was afraid she might fail...
	# ...and if she failed, she was afraid that her parents might {{markup/jquote\|do something drastic – like send me to Highland}}.		# ...and if she failed, she was afraid that her parents might {{markup/jquote\|do something drastic – like send me to [[Highland]]}}.
	# She was talking to an imaginary-me and asking me to tell them that she wasn't crazy (and therefore didn't need to be institutionalized).		# She was talking to an imaginary-me and asking me to tell them that she wasn't crazy (and therefore didn't need to be institutionalized).
	# She was on the verge of actually calling me and asking me to back her up, but then she somehow managed to break out of the cycle of worry and distract herself until bedtime.		# She was on the verge of actually calling me and asking me to back her up, but then she somehow managed to break out of the cycle of worry and distract herself until bedtime.
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	{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"		{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"

	==Reshares==		==Reshares==
	* '''2017-11-16''' [https://plus.google.com/+WoozleHypertwin/posts/QXmZx4cSDjt Google+] [https://www.facebook.com/woozalia/posts/10155306998842695 Facebook]		* '''2017-11-16''' [https://plus.google.com/+WoozleHypertwin/posts/QXmZx4cSDjt Google+] [https://www.facebook.com/woozalia/posts/10155306998842695 Facebook]

Woozle: footnote section

2018-05-28T21:14:19Z

footnote section

@@ Line 105: / Line 105: @@
 {{markup/jquote|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"
 ==Reshares==
 * '''2017-11-16''' [https://plus.google.com/+WoozleHypertwin/posts/QXmZx4cSDjt Google+] [https://www.facebook.com/woozalia/posts/10155306998842695 Facebook]
@@ Line 125: / Line 113: @@
 [[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p4.adj.jpg|600px]]
 [[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p5.adj.jpg|600px]]
 [[Category:1980|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]

Woozle: /* The Dream */ corrected quote, and attribution

2018-05-28T21:13:01Z

The Dream: corrected quote, and attribution

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:13, 28 May 2018
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	I'm sure this is one of the things she told me about, that day in Egypt, but it was all verbal and I've never been good at taking in facts verbally: When [[Woozle/Sandy\|Sandy]] was in the thrall of an abusive boyfriend, the solution was not to charge him with abuse, or to get a restraining order, or even to offer Sandy counseling, but to ''put her in an institution'', involuntarily (There were other aspects of the situation that seemed designed to erode her self-confidence and agency as well; see [[Woozle/Sandy/Highland]].)		I'm sure this is one of the things she told me about, that day in Egypt, but it was all verbal and I've never been good at taking in facts verbally: When [[Woozle/Sandy\|Sandy]] was in the thrall of an abusive boyfriend, the solution was not to charge him with abuse, or to get a restraining order, or even to offer Sandy counseling, but to ''put her in an institution'', involuntarily (There were other aspects of the situation that seemed designed to erode her self-confidence and agency as well; see [[Woozle/Sandy/Highland]].)

	This kind of "solution" was apparently shockingly commonplace. {{l/wp\|Rosemary Kennedy}}, JFK's oldest sister, had "behavioral problems" probably emerging from severe learning disabilities, and was given a frontal lobotomy ~~by way~~ of ~~a cure~~. "~~About 80~~ lobotomies~~, 80~~% on women~~, had been performed in the United States by the time~~." The procedure was incredibly crude and, as far as I can tell, not subject to any kind of scientific evaluation before it started to be used – and failed horribly in Rosemary's case. I can't understand how they would expect the methodology used (keep cutting until she gets incoherent) to produce better results.		This kind of "solution" was apparently shockingly commonplace. As an example of what was regarded in the medical culture as a "cure" only a couple of decades earlier: {{l/wp\|Rosemary Kennedy}}, JFK's oldest sister, had "behavioral problems" probably emerging from severe learning disabilities, and was given a frontal lobotomy (at age 23, in 1941) pretty much for the sole reason of ''curbing her behavior so she wouldn't embarrass the family''. "The majority of lobotomies were performed on women; A 1951 study of American hospitals found nearly 60% of lobotomy patients were women; data shows 74% of lobotomies in Ontario from 1948–1952 were performed on women."<ref>Wikipedia: {{l/wp\|Lobotomy}}</ref> The procedure was incredibly crude and, as far as I can tell, not subject to any kind of scientific evaluation before it started to be used – and failed horribly in Rosemary's case. I can't understand how they would expect the methodology used (keep cutting until she gets incoherent) to produce better results. The US was not among the first to begin abandoning the procedure.

	A relevant quote just came across my radar (emphasis mine):{{box/quote\|In 1994, Gregory Corso was asked, “Where are the women of the Beat Generation?” He said, “There were women, they were there, I knew them, '''their families put them in institutions, they were given electric shock'''.” Some of them survived...\|[https://www.tor.com/2017/11/07/unbury-the-future-martha-wells-full-speech-from-the-2017-world-fantasy-awards/ "Unbury the Future": Martha Wells' Full Speech from the 2017 World Fantasy Awards], posted 2017-11-07}}		A relevant quote just came across my radar (emphasis mine):{{box/quote\|In 1994, Gregory Corso was asked, “Where are the women of the Beat Generation?” He said, “There were women, they were there, I knew them, '''their families put them in institutions, they were given electric shock'''.” Some of them survived...\|[https://www.tor.com/2017/11/07/unbury-the-future-martha-wells-full-speech-from-the-2017-world-fantasy-awards/ "Unbury the Future": Martha Wells' Full Speech from the 2017 World Fantasy Awards], posted 2017-11-07}}
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	{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"		{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"

			[[Category:1980\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Dates/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny/therapy\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]

	==Reshares==		==Reshares==
	* '''2017-11-16''' [https://plus.google.com/+WoozleHypertwin/posts/QXmZx4cSDjt Google+] [https://www.facebook.com/woozalia/posts/10155306998842695 Facebook]		* '''2017-11-16''' [https://plus.google.com/+WoozleHypertwin/posts/QXmZx4cSDjt Google+] [https://www.facebook.com/woozalia/posts/10155306998842695 Facebook]

Woozle at 12:02, 16 November 2017

2017-11-16T12:02:54Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:02, 16 November 2017
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	Filling in the gaps between the pieces I know and remember, here's what I think happened: on that day when we walked home splashing in the puddles, we got to talking about how nice it would be to spend more time together away from school. Neither of us wanted to do this under the eye of parents (or, indeed, let our parents know that our interest in each other had developed to this point, due largely to the incorrect assumptions they would make – cf "[[../004\|three girls drooling over you]]"), and she suggested meeting at Egypt on Saturday, when either of us being absent from home for several hours would not be surprising. Once we got our nomenclature straightened out and I understood what she was talking about, I thought it was a great idea.		Filling in the gaps between the pieces I know and remember, here's what I think happened: on that day when we walked home splashing in the puddles, we got to talking about how nice it would be to spend more time together away from school. Neither of us wanted to do this under the eye of parents (or, indeed, let our parents know that our interest in each other had developed to this point, due largely to the incorrect assumptions they would make – cf "[[../004\|three girls drooling over you]]"), and she suggested meeting at Egypt on Saturday, when either of us being absent from home for several hours would not be surprising. Once we got our nomenclature straightened out and I understood what she was talking about, I thought it was a great idea.

			"Not knowing what I feel" is, I'm told, a sign of depression. This comes up several more times in later notes.

	[http://collection.rydjor.com/bikecollection/1966ral.htm This] is pretty much exactly the bike I was riding, including the color, with slight modifications: I tended to leave the "picnic bag" off because it made the bike more noisy when going over rough ground (which I did a lot); I think by this time I had also removed the chain guard and maybe the front fender, because they tended to rattle. ([http://sheffieldcyclechic.tumblr.com/post/243673013/raleighrsw another sample])		[http://collection.rydjor.com/bikecollection/1966ral.htm This] is pretty much exactly the bike I was riding, including the color, with slight modifications: I tended to leave the "picnic bag" off because it made the bike more noisy when going over rough ground (which I did a lot); I think by this time I had also removed the chain guard and maybe the front fender, because they tended to rattle. ([http://sheffieldcyclechic.tumblr.com/post/243673013/raleighrsw another sample])

Woozle: reshares

2017-11-16T11:35:07Z

reshares

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:35, 16 November 2017
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	{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"		{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"
			==Reshares==
			* '''2017-11-16''' [https://plus.google.com/+WoozleHypertwin/posts/QXmZx4cSDjt Google+] [https://www.facebook.com/woozalia/posts/10155306998842695 Facebook]
	==Scans==		==Scans==
	[[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p1.adj.jpg\|600px]]		[[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p1.adj.jpg\|600px]]
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	[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]		[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
	[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]		[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny/therapy\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
	[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]		[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
	[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]		[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
	~~[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Jenny/therapy\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~

Woozle: tweaks for clarity; tidying

2017-11-16T10:59:14Z

tweaks for clarity; tidying

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:59, 16 November 2017
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	I find it odd to imagine that she thought I might not have showed up. I guess that wouldn't be uncommon behavior for other people in whatever categories she was using to model her expectations of me at that point?		I find it odd to imagine that she thought I might not have showed up. I guess that wouldn't be uncommon behavior for other people in whatever categories she was using to model her expectations of me at that point?
	===Saturday in Egypt===		===Saturday in Egypt===
	I remember her suggesting a couple of previous times that we ~~should~~ meet ~~there~~, but I thought she was joking, referring to the country~~; apparently~~ in her circles it was commonly used to refer to [[Egypt\|a nearby abandoned development]], but I had never heard the place called that before.		I remember her suggesting a couple of previous times that we chould meet "in Egypt", but I thought she was joking, referring to the country. Apparently in her circles "Egypt" was commonly used to refer to [[Egypt\|a nearby abandoned development]], but I had never heard the place called that before. I think the development was "Chesterfield" or something like that, and my family tended to refer to it that way.

	Filling in the gaps between ~~what~~ I know and remember, here's what I think happened: on that day when we walked home splashing in the puddles, we got to talking about how nice it would be to spend more time together away from school. Neither of us wanted to do this under the eye of parents (or, indeed, let our parents know that our interest in each other had developed to this point, due largely to the incorrect assumptions they would make – cf "[[../004\|three girls drooling over you]]"), and she suggested meeting at Egypt on Saturday, when either of us being absent from home for several hours would not be surprising. Once we got our nomenclature straightened out and I understood what she was talking about, I thought it was a great idea.		Filling in the gaps between the pieces I know and remember, here's what I think happened: on that day when we walked home splashing in the puddles, we got to talking about how nice it would be to spend more time together away from school. Neither of us wanted to do this under the eye of parents (or, indeed, let our parents know that our interest in each other had developed to this point, due largely to the incorrect assumptions they would make – cf "[[../004\|three girls drooling over you]]"), and she suggested meeting at Egypt on Saturday, when either of us being absent from home for several hours would not be surprising. Once we got our nomenclature straightened out and I understood what she was talking about, I thought it was a great idea.

	[http://collection.rydjor.com/bikecollection/1966ral.htm This] is pretty much exactly the bike I was riding, including the color~~. Though~~ I tended to leave the "picnic bag" off because it made the bike more noisy when going over rough ground (which I did a lot). I think by this time I had also removed the chain guard and maybe the front fender, because they tended to rattle. ([http://sheffieldcyclechic.tumblr.com/post/243673013/raleighrsw another sample])		[http://collection.rydjor.com/bikecollection/1966ral.htm This] is pretty much exactly the bike I was riding, including the color, with slight modifications: I tended to leave the "picnic bag" off because it made the bike more noisy when going over rough ground (which I did a lot); I think by this time I had also removed the chain guard and maybe the front fender, because they tended to rattle. ([http://sheffieldcyclechic.tumblr.com/post/243673013/raleighrsw another sample])

	I was surprised that she found it embarrassing, or that there was some issue with me riding to meet her (~~two~~ long blocks away) rather than walking. I'd never had any reason to think anyone seriously would.		I was surprised that she found it embarrassing, or that there was some issue with me riding to meet her (2-3 long suburban blocks away from my house) rather than walking. I'd never had any reason to think anyone seriously would.

	I'm pretty sure {{markup/jquote\|that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you}} was [[../006\|Note #6]]... and I think I knew what it meant; I just didn't want to think about it, because it meant less Jenny-time. Jenny-time made me feel less terrible, sometimes even good. Less Jenny-time meant sads.		I'm pretty sure {{markup/jquote\|that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you}} was [[../006\|Note #6]]... and I think I knew what it meant; I just didn't want to think about it, because it meant less Jenny-time. Jenny-time made me feel less terrible, sometimes even good. Less Jenny-time meant sads.

	Her discussion of {{markup/jquote\|fat face}} and psychologists/analysts in general is a good example of her feelings towards therapy, and a large part of why none of us looked in that direction for help when we knew we needed some. It sounds like all the therapy she had experienced so far had been, not to put too fine a point on it, rather bad or at best inappropriate for her needs... and my only experience with therapy had been the school counselor at DA, who was nice and non-judgmental but didn't really seem to understand my issues much.		Her discussion of {{markup/jquote\|fat face}} and psychologists/analysts in general is a good example of her feelings towards therapy, and a large part of why none of us looked in that direction for help when we knew we needed some. It sounds like all the therapy she had experienced so far had been, not to put too fine a point on it, rather bad or at best inappropriate for her needs... and my only experience with therapy had been the school counselor at DA, who was nice and non-judgmental but didn't really seem to understand my issues much.

	~~[[Category:1980\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:1980/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:1980/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:1980/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Dates/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~

	===The Dream===		===The Dream===
	I have to clarify what Jenny wrote here, because it confused me for a long time. I never really tried to get it straightened out until now, because (as with many things) it just hurt too much to read her notes, much think about them in depth – but here's the sequence of events as I understand it now:		I have to clarify what Jenny wrote here, because it confused me for a long time. I never really tried to get it straightened out until now, because (as with many things) it just hurt too much to read her notes, much think about them in depth – but here's the sequence of events as I understand it now:
	# J was freaking out because she was having extreme difficulty motivating herself to get a particular piece of homework done		# On a certain evening, J was freaking out because she was having extreme difficulty motivating herself to get a particular piece of homework done
	# ...for a class in which she was not doing well, and was afraid she might fail...		# ...for a class in which she was not doing well, and was afraid she might fail...
	# ...and if she failed, she was afraid that her parents might {{markup/jquote\|do something drastic – like send me to Highland}}.		# ...and if she failed, she was afraid that her parents might {{markup/jquote\|do something drastic – like send me to Highland}}.
	# She was talking to an imaginary-me and asking me to tell them that she wasn't crazy (and therefore didn't need to be institutionalized).		# She was talking to an imaginary-me and asking me to tell them that she wasn't crazy (and therefore didn't need to be institutionalized).
	# She was on the verge of actually calling me and asking me to back her up, but then she somehow managed to break out of the cycle of worry and distract herself until bedtime.		# She was on the verge of actually calling me and asking me to back her up, but then she somehow managed to break out of the cycle of worry and distract herself until bedtime.
	# She then had a dream about this sequence of events.		# She then had a dream about this sequence of events, although she could no longer remember it directly.

	It was only later that I understood how shockingly justifiable Jenny's fears were.		It was only later that I understood how shockingly justifiable Jenny's fears were.
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	{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"		{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"

	~~[[Category:1980\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:1980/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:1980/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:1980/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Dates/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~

	==Scans==		==Scans==
	[[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p1.adj.jpg\|600px]]		[[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p1.adj.jpg\|600px]]
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	[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]		[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
	[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]		[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny/therapy\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]

Woozle: /* The Dream */ jquote template

2017-11-09T22:05:03Z

The Dream: jquote template

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:05, 9 November 2017
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	# J was freaking out because she was having extreme difficulty motivating herself to get a particular piece of homework done		# J was freaking out because she was having extreme difficulty motivating herself to get a particular piece of homework done
	# ...for a class in which she was not doing well, and was afraid she might fail...		# ...for a class in which she was not doing well, and was afraid she might fail...
	# ...and if she failed, she was afraid that her parents might "do something drastic – like send me to Highland".		# ...and if she failed, she was afraid that her parents might {{markup/jquote\|do something drastic – like send me to Highland}}.
	# She was talking to an imaginary-me and asking me to tell them that she wasn't crazy (and therefore didn't need to be institutionalized).		# She was talking to an imaginary-me and asking me to tell them that she wasn't crazy (and therefore didn't need to be institutionalized).
	# She was on the verge of actually calling me and asking me to back her up, but then she somehow managed to break out of the cycle of worry and distract herself until bedtime.		# She was on the verge of actually calling me and asking me to back her up, but then she somehow managed to break out of the cycle of worry and distract herself until bedtime.
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	This was no doubt the source of a lot of her intense "good girl" tendencies.		This was no doubt the source of a lot of her intense "good girl" tendencies.

	"But I must have been really scared to dream about it." Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"		{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"

			[[Category:1980\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Dates/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]

	==Scans==		==Scans==
	[[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p1.adj.jpg\|600px]]		[[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p1.adj.jpg\|600px]]

Woozle: /* Saturday in Egypt */ jquote template

2017-11-09T22:02:15Z

Saturday in Egypt: jquote template

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:02, 9 November 2017
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	I was surprised that she found it embarrassing, or that there was some issue with me riding to meet her (two long blocks away) rather than walking. I'd never had any reason to think anyone seriously would.		I was surprised that she found it embarrassing, or that there was some issue with me riding to meet her (two long blocks away) rather than walking. I'd never had any reason to think anyone seriously would.

	I'm pretty sure "that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you" was [[../006\|Note #6]]... and I think I knew what it meant; I just didn't want to think about it, because it meant less Jenny-time. Jenny-time made me feel less terrible, sometimes even good. Less Jenny-time meant sads.		I'm pretty sure {{markup/jquote\|that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you}} was [[../006\|Note #6]]... and I think I knew what it meant; I just didn't want to think about it, because it meant less Jenny-time. Jenny-time made me feel less terrible, sometimes even good. Less Jenny-time meant sads.

	Her discussion of "fat face" and psychologists/analysts in general is a good example of her feelings towards therapy, and a large part of why none of us looked in that direction for help when we knew we needed some. It sounds like all the therapy she had experienced so far had been, not to put too fine a point on it, rather bad or at best inappropriate for her needs... and my only experience with therapy had been the school counselor at DA, who was nice and non-judgmental but didn't really seem to understand my issues much.		Her discussion of {{markup/jquote\|fat face}} and psychologists/analysts in general is a good example of her feelings towards therapy, and a large part of why none of us looked in that direction for help when we knew we needed some. It sounds like all the therapy she had experienced so far had been, not to put too fine a point on it, rather bad or at best inappropriate for her needs... and my only experience with therapy had been the school counselor at DA, who was nice and non-judgmental but didn't really seem to understand my issues much.

			[[Category:1980\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Dates/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]

	===The Dream===		===The Dream===

Woozle: done?

2017-11-08T22:34:57Z

done?

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:34, 8 November 2017
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	First may I say that at one point I was having absolute fits. I was so frightened that I wouldn't get credit in this course and Mom & Dad would get worried and do something drastic – like send me to Highland, I kept asking (begging is more demeaning but truer) you to tell them that I wasn't crazy. Somehow at that moment you seemed the closest person. I was pacing back and forth and I finally collapsed on the floor next to my bed. Sometimes I get really worked up like that. I was on the verge of calling you and ask[ing] you to tell them that I wasn't out of my mind, but I did a quick turnaround like the one you witnessed in Egypt. I got ahold of myself and then got into an argument about truth with myself.		First may I say that at one point I was having absolute fits. I was so frightened that I wouldn't get credit in this course and Mom & Dad would get worried and do something drastic – like send me to Highland, I kept asking (begging is more demeaning but truer) you to tell them that I wasn't crazy. Somehow at that moment you seemed the closest person. I was pacing back and forth and I finally collapsed on the floor next to my bed. Sometimes I get really worked up like that. I was on the verge of calling you and ask[ing] you to tell them that I wasn't out of my mind, but I did a quick turnaround like the one you witnessed in Egypt. I got ahold of myself and then got into an argument about truth with myself.

	It lasted me till time to go to bed. By then I had formed no conclusion except that there is no conclusion. ~~BUt~~ I came up with some interesting theories.		It lasted me till time to go to bed. By then I had formed no conclusion except that there is no conclusion. But I came up with some interesting theories.

	About the dream.		About the dream.
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	I remember her suggesting a couple of previous times that we should meet there, but I thought she was joking, referring to the country; apparently in her circles it was commonly used to refer to [[Egypt\|a nearby abandoned development]], but I had never heard the place called that before.		I remember her suggesting a couple of previous times that we should meet there, but I thought she was joking, referring to the country; apparently in her circles it was commonly used to refer to [[Egypt\|a nearby abandoned development]], but I had never heard the place called that before.

	Filling in the gaps between what I know and remember, here's what I think happened: on that day when we walked home splashing in the puddles, we got to talking about how nice it would be to spend more time together away from school. Neither of us wanted to do this under the eye of parents (or, indeed, let our parents know that our interest in each other had developed to this point, due largely to the incorrect assumptions they would make), and she suggested meeting at Egypt on Saturday, when ~~a long absence~~ from home would not be surprising. Once we got our nomenclature straightened out and I understood what she was talking about, I thought it was a great idea.		Filling in the gaps between what I know and remember, here's what I think happened: on that day when we walked home splashing in the puddles, we got to talking about how nice it would be to spend more time together away from school. Neither of us wanted to do this under the eye of parents (or, indeed, let our parents know that our interest in each other had developed to this point, due largely to the incorrect assumptions they would make – cf "[[../004\|three girls drooling over you]]"), and she suggested meeting at Egypt on Saturday, when either of us being absent from home for several hours would not be surprising. Once we got our nomenclature straightened out and I understood what she was talking about, I thought it was a great idea.

	[http://collection.rydjor.com/bikecollection/1966ral.htm This] is pretty much exactly the bike I was riding, including the color. Though I tended to leave the "picnic bag" off because it made the bike more noisy when going over rough ground (which I did a lot). I think by this time I had also removed the chain guard and maybe the front fender, because they tended to rattle. ([http://sheffieldcyclechic.tumblr.com/post/243673013/raleighrsw another sample])		[http://collection.rydjor.com/bikecollection/1966ral.htm This] is pretty much exactly the bike I was riding, including the color. Though I tended to leave the "picnic bag" off because it made the bike more noisy when going over rough ground (which I did a lot). I think by this time I had also removed the chain guard and maybe the front fender, because they tended to rattle. ([http://sheffieldcyclechic.tumblr.com/post/243673013/raleighrsw another sample])
Line 78:		Line 78:
	I was surprised that she found it embarrassing, or that there was some issue with me riding to meet her (two long blocks away) rather than walking. I'd never had any reason to think anyone seriously would.		I was surprised that she found it embarrassing, or that there was some issue with me riding to meet her (two long blocks away) rather than walking. I'd never had any reason to think anyone seriously would.

	I'm pretty sure "that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you" was [[../006\|Note #6]]... and I think I knew what it meant; I just didn't want to think about it, because it meant less Jenny-time. Jenny-time made me feel less terrible, sometimes even good.		I'm pretty sure "that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you" was [[../006\|Note #6]]... and I think I knew what it meant; I just didn't want to think about it, because it meant less Jenny-time. Jenny-time made me feel less terrible, sometimes even good. Less Jenny-time meant sads.

			Her discussion of "fat face" and psychologists/analysts in general is a good example of her feelings towards therapy, and a large part of why none of us looked in that direction for help when we knew we needed some. It sounds like all the therapy she had experienced so far had been, not to put too fine a point on it, rather bad or at best inappropriate for her needs... and my only experience with therapy had been the school counselor at DA, who was nice and non-judgmental but didn't really seem to understand my issues much.

	===The Dream===		===The Dream===
Line 92:		Line 93:
	It was only later that I understood how shockingly justifiable Jenny's fears were.		It was only later that I understood how shockingly justifiable Jenny's fears were.

	I'm sure this is one of the things she told me about, that day in Egypt, but it was all verbal and I've never been good at taking in facts verbally: When Sandy~~'s boyfriend~~ was abusive, the solution was not to charge him with abuse, or to get a restraining order, or even to offer Sandy counseling, but to ''put her in an institution'', involuntarily~~. Was her release predicated on when she felt safe, or when~~ the ~~boyfriend was determined not~~ to be a threat? No, it was based on ''her'' behavior – though she wasn't there for a behavior problem in the first place. When she passed their tests, she was deemed "cured", and sent home – where her parents immediately put pressure on her ~~to go out~~ and ~~get a job, to which she responded by leaving home to go live with a friend &ndash~~; ~~and soon becoming involved with another abusive boyfriend~~.		I'm sure this is one of the things she told me about, that day in Egypt, but it was all verbal and I've never been good at taking in facts verbally: When [[Woozle/Sandy\|Sandy]] was in the thrall of an abusive boyfriend, the solution was not to charge him with abuse, or to get a restraining order, or even to offer Sandy counseling, but to ''put her in an institution'', involuntarily (There were other aspects of the situation that seemed designed to erode her self-confidence and agency as well; see [[Woozle/Sandy/Highland]].)

	This kind of "solution" was apparently shockingly commonplace. {{l/wp\|Rosemary Kennedy}}, JFK's oldest sister, had "behavioral problems" probably emerging from severe learning disabilities ~~–~~ and was given a frontal lobotomy by way of a cure. "About 80 lobotomies, 80% on women, had been performed in the United States by the time." The procedure was incredibly crude and, as far as I can tell, not subject to any kind of scientific evaluation before it started to be used – and it failed horribly in Rosemary's case. It'~~s not that Jenny was in danger of having anything so severe done~~ to ~~her; it's the medical community's utter lack of regard for the intelligence and integrity of the patient, and disrespect for the patient as a person, if that patient was female~~.		This kind of "solution" was apparently shockingly commonplace. {{l/wp\|Rosemary Kennedy}}, JFK's oldest sister, had "behavioral problems" probably emerging from severe learning disabilities, and was given a frontal lobotomy by way of a cure. "About 80 lobotomies, 80% on women, had been performed in the United States by the time." The procedure was incredibly crude and, as far as I can tell, not subject to any kind of scientific evaluation before it started to be used – and failed horribly in Rosemary's case. I can't understand how they would expect the methodology used (keep cutting until she gets incoherent) to produce better results.

	A relevant quote just came across my radar (emphasis mine):{{box/quote\|In 1994, Gregory Corso was asked, “Where are the women of the Beat Generation?” He said, “There were women, they were there, I knew them, '''their families put them in institutions, they were given electric shock'''.” Some of them survived...\|[https://www.tor.com/2017/11/07/unbury-the-future-martha-wells-full-speech-from-the-2017-world-fantasy-awards/ "Unbury the Future": Martha Wells' Full Speech from the 2017 World Fantasy Awards], posted 2017-11-07}}		A relevant quote just came across my radar (emphasis mine):{{box/quote\|In 1994, Gregory Corso was asked, “Where are the women of the Beat Generation?” He said, “There were women, they were there, I knew them, '''their families put them in institutions, they were given electric shock'''.” Some of them survived...\|[https://www.tor.com/2017/11/07/unbury-the-future-martha-wells-full-speech-from-the-2017-world-fantasy-awards/ "Unbury the Future": Martha Wells' Full Speech from the 2017 World Fantasy Awards], posted 2017-11-07}}

	'''~~[ WRITING STILL IN PROGRESS ]'''~~		It's not that Jenny was necessarily in danger of her parents choosing anything so severe; it's the medical community's utter lack of regard for the intelligence and integrity of the patient, and disrespect for the patient as a person, if that patient was female, that I find so intensely disturbing. Even if she never actually ended up being "treated" again, she constantly had to live with the fear that her next failure (real or perceived) might bring her back into that scope, and that some of those more extreme solutions might be on the table... and her parents were generally inclined towards following the advice of whatever expert had been selected as the go-to for the current problem.

			This was no doubt the source of a lot of her intense "good girl" tendencies.

			"But I must have been really scared to dream about it." Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"
	==Scans==		==Scans==
	[[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p1.adj.jpg\|600px]]		[[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p1.adj.jpg\|600px]]

Woozle: saving draft

2017-11-08T19:50:03Z

saving draft

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:50, 8 November 2017
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	I'm pretty sure "that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you" was [[../006\|Note #6]]... and I think I knew what it meant; I just didn't want to think about it, because it meant less Jenny-time. Jenny-time made me feel less terrible, sometimes even good.		I'm pretty sure "that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you" was [[../006\|Note #6]]... and I think I knew what it meant; I just didn't want to think about it, because it meant less Jenny-time. Jenny-time made me feel less terrible, sometimes even good.


			===The Dream===
			I have to clarify what Jenny wrote here, because it confused me for a long time. I never really tried to get it straightened out until now, because (as with many things) it just hurt too much to read her notes, much think about them in depth – but here's the sequence of events as I understand it now:
			# J was freaking out because she was having extreme difficulty motivating herself to get a particular piece of homework done
			# ...for a class in which she was not doing well, and was afraid she might fail...
			# ...and if she failed, she was afraid that her parents might "do something drastic – like send me to Highland".
			# She was talking to an imaginary-me and asking me to tell them that she wasn't crazy (and therefore didn't need to be institutionalized).
			# She was on the verge of actually calling me and asking me to back her up, but then she somehow managed to break out of the cycle of worry and distract herself until bedtime.
			# She then had a dream about this sequence of events.

			It was only later that I understood how shockingly justifiable Jenny's fears were.

			I'm sure this is one of the things she told me about, that day in Egypt, but it was all verbal and I've never been good at taking in facts verbally: When Sandy's boyfriend was abusive, the solution was not to charge him with abuse, or to get a restraining order, or even to offer Sandy counseling, but to ''put her in an institution'', involuntarily. Was her release predicated on when she felt safe, or when the boyfriend was determined not to be a threat? No, it was based on ''her'' behavior – though she wasn't there for a behavior problem in the first place. When she passed their tests, she was deemed "cured", and sent home – where her parents immediately put pressure on her to go out and get a job, to which she responded by leaving home to go live with a friend – and soon becoming involved with another abusive boyfriend.

			This kind of "solution" was apparently shockingly commonplace. {{l/wp\|Rosemary Kennedy}}, JFK's oldest sister, had "behavioral problems" probably emerging from severe learning disabilities – and was given a frontal lobotomy by way of a cure. "About 80 lobotomies, 80% on women, had been performed in the United States by the time." The procedure was incredibly crude and, as far as I can tell, not subject to any kind of scientific evaluation before it started to be used – and it failed horribly in Rosemary's case. It's not that Jenny was in danger of having anything so severe done to her; it's the medical community's utter lack of regard for the intelligence and integrity of the patient, and disrespect for the patient as a person, if that patient was female.

			A relevant quote just came across my radar (emphasis mine):{{box/quote\|In 1994, Gregory Corso was asked, “Where are the women of the Beat Generation?” He said, “There were women, they were there, I knew them, '''their families put them in institutions, they were given electric shock'''.” Some of them survived...\|[https://www.tor.com/2017/11/07/unbury-the-future-martha-wells-full-speech-from-the-2017-world-fantasy-awards/ "Unbury the Future": Martha Wells' Full Speech from the 2017 World Fantasy Awards], posted 2017-11-07}}

	'''[ WRITING STILL IN PROGRESS ]'''		'''[ WRITING STILL IN PROGRESS ]'''

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:13, 28 May 2018
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	I'm sure this is one of the things she told me about, that day in Egypt, but it was all verbal and I've never been good at taking in facts verbally: When [[Woozle/Sandy\|Sandy]] was in the thrall of an abusive boyfriend, the solution was not to charge him with abuse, or to get a restraining order, or even to offer Sandy counseling, but to ''put her in an institution'', involuntarily (There were other aspects of the situation that seemed designed to erode her self-confidence and agency as well; see [[Woozle/Sandy/Highland]].)		I'm sure this is one of the things she told me about, that day in Egypt, but it was all verbal and I've never been good at taking in facts verbally: When [[Woozle/Sandy\|Sandy]] was in the thrall of an abusive boyfriend, the solution was not to charge him with abuse, or to get a restraining order, or even to offer Sandy counseling, but to ''put her in an institution'', involuntarily (There were other aspects of the situation that seemed designed to erode her self-confidence and agency as well; see [[Woozle/Sandy/Highland]].)

	This kind of "solution" was apparently shockingly commonplace. {{l/wp\|Rosemary Kennedy}}, JFK's oldest sister, had "behavioral problems" probably emerging from severe learning disabilities, and was given a frontal lobotomy ~~by way~~ of ~~a cure~~. "~~About 80~~ lobotomies~~, 80~~% on women~~, had been performed in the United States by the time~~." The procedure was incredibly crude and, as far as I can tell, not subject to any kind of scientific evaluation before it started to be used – and failed horribly in Rosemary's case. I can't understand how they would expect the methodology used (keep cutting until she gets incoherent) to produce better results.		This kind of "solution" was apparently shockingly commonplace. As an example of what was regarded in the medical culture as a "cure" only a couple of decades earlier: {{l/wp\|Rosemary Kennedy}}, JFK's oldest sister, had "behavioral problems" probably emerging from severe learning disabilities, and was given a frontal lobotomy (at age 23, in 1941) pretty much for the sole reason of ''curbing her behavior so she wouldn't embarrass the family''. "The majority of lobotomies were performed on women; A 1951 study of American hospitals found nearly 60% of lobotomy patients were women; data shows 74% of lobotomies in Ontario from 1948–1952 were performed on women."<ref>Wikipedia: {{l/wp\|Lobotomy}}</ref> The procedure was incredibly crude and, as far as I can tell, not subject to any kind of scientific evaluation before it started to be used – and failed horribly in Rosemary's case. I can't understand how they would expect the methodology used (keep cutting until she gets incoherent) to produce better results. The US was not among the first to begin abandoning the procedure.

	A relevant quote just came across my radar (emphasis mine):{{box/quote\|In 1994, Gregory Corso was asked, “Where are the women of the Beat Generation?” He said, “There were women, they were there, I knew them, '''their families put them in institutions, they were given electric shock'''.” Some of them survived...\|[https://www.tor.com/2017/11/07/unbury-the-future-martha-wells-full-speech-from-the-2017-world-fantasy-awards/ "Unbury the Future": Martha Wells' Full Speech from the 2017 World Fantasy Awards], posted 2017-11-07}}		A relevant quote just came across my radar (emphasis mine):{{box/quote\|In 1994, Gregory Corso was asked, “Where are the women of the Beat Generation?” He said, “There were women, they were there, I knew them, '''their families put them in institutions, they were given electric shock'''.” Some of them survived...\|[https://www.tor.com/2017/11/07/unbury-the-future-martha-wells-full-speech-from-the-2017-world-fantasy-awards/ "Unbury the Future": Martha Wells' Full Speech from the 2017 World Fantasy Awards], posted 2017-11-07}}
Line 105:		Line 105:

	{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"		{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"

			[[Category:1980\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Dates/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny/therapy\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]

	==Reshares==		==Reshares==
	* '''2017-11-16''' [https://plus.google.com/+WoozleHypertwin/posts/QXmZx4cSDjt Google+] [https://www.facebook.com/woozalia/posts/10155306998842695 Facebook]		* '''2017-11-16''' [https://plus.google.com/+WoozleHypertwin/posts/QXmZx4cSDjt Google+] [https://www.facebook.com/woozalia/posts/10155306998842695 Facebook]

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:35, 16 November 2017
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	{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"		{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"
			==Reshares==
			* '''2017-11-16''' [https://plus.google.com/+WoozleHypertwin/posts/QXmZx4cSDjt Google+] [https://www.facebook.com/woozalia/posts/10155306998842695 Facebook]
	==Scans==		==Scans==
	[[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p1.adj.jpg\|600px]]		[[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p1.adj.jpg\|600px]]
Line 117:		Line 119:
	[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]		[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
	[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]		[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny/therapy\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
	[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]		[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
	[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]		[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
	~~[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Jenny/therapy\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:59, 16 November 2017
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	I find it odd to imagine that she thought I might not have showed up. I guess that wouldn't be uncommon behavior for other people in whatever categories she was using to model her expectations of me at that point?		I find it odd to imagine that she thought I might not have showed up. I guess that wouldn't be uncommon behavior for other people in whatever categories she was using to model her expectations of me at that point?
	===Saturday in Egypt===		===Saturday in Egypt===
	I remember her suggesting a couple of previous times that we ~~should~~ meet ~~there~~, but I thought she was joking, referring to the country~~; apparently~~ in her circles it was commonly used to refer to [[Egypt\|a nearby abandoned development]], but I had never heard the place called that before.		I remember her suggesting a couple of previous times that we chould meet "in Egypt", but I thought she was joking, referring to the country. Apparently in her circles "Egypt" was commonly used to refer to [[Egypt\|a nearby abandoned development]], but I had never heard the place called that before. I think the development was "Chesterfield" or something like that, and my family tended to refer to it that way.

	Filling in the gaps between ~~what~~ I know and remember, here's what I think happened: on that day when we walked home splashing in the puddles, we got to talking about how nice it would be to spend more time together away from school. Neither of us wanted to do this under the eye of parents (or, indeed, let our parents know that our interest in each other had developed to this point, due largely to the incorrect assumptions they would make – cf "[[../004\|three girls drooling over you]]"), and she suggested meeting at Egypt on Saturday, when either of us being absent from home for several hours would not be surprising. Once we got our nomenclature straightened out and I understood what she was talking about, I thought it was a great idea.		Filling in the gaps between the pieces I know and remember, here's what I think happened: on that day when we walked home splashing in the puddles, we got to talking about how nice it would be to spend more time together away from school. Neither of us wanted to do this under the eye of parents (or, indeed, let our parents know that our interest in each other had developed to this point, due largely to the incorrect assumptions they would make – cf "[[../004\|three girls drooling over you]]"), and she suggested meeting at Egypt on Saturday, when either of us being absent from home for several hours would not be surprising. Once we got our nomenclature straightened out and I understood what she was talking about, I thought it was a great idea.

	[http://collection.rydjor.com/bikecollection/1966ral.htm This] is pretty much exactly the bike I was riding, including the color~~. Though~~ I tended to leave the "picnic bag" off because it made the bike more noisy when going over rough ground (which I did a lot). I think by this time I had also removed the chain guard and maybe the front fender, because they tended to rattle. ([http://sheffieldcyclechic.tumblr.com/post/243673013/raleighrsw another sample])		[http://collection.rydjor.com/bikecollection/1966ral.htm This] is pretty much exactly the bike I was riding, including the color, with slight modifications: I tended to leave the "picnic bag" off because it made the bike more noisy when going over rough ground (which I did a lot); I think by this time I had also removed the chain guard and maybe the front fender, because they tended to rattle. ([http://sheffieldcyclechic.tumblr.com/post/243673013/raleighrsw another sample])

	I was surprised that she found it embarrassing, or that there was some issue with me riding to meet her (~~two~~ long blocks away) rather than walking. I'd never had any reason to think anyone seriously would.		I was surprised that she found it embarrassing, or that there was some issue with me riding to meet her (2-3 long suburban blocks away from my house) rather than walking. I'd never had any reason to think anyone seriously would.

	I'm pretty sure {{markup/jquote\|that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you}} was [[../006\|Note #6]]... and I think I knew what it meant; I just didn't want to think about it, because it meant less Jenny-time. Jenny-time made me feel less terrible, sometimes even good. Less Jenny-time meant sads.		I'm pretty sure {{markup/jquote\|that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you}} was [[../006\|Note #6]]... and I think I knew what it meant; I just didn't want to think about it, because it meant less Jenny-time. Jenny-time made me feel less terrible, sometimes even good. Less Jenny-time meant sads.

	Her discussion of {{markup/jquote\|fat face}} and psychologists/analysts in general is a good example of her feelings towards therapy, and a large part of why none of us looked in that direction for help when we knew we needed some. It sounds like all the therapy she had experienced so far had been, not to put too fine a point on it, rather bad or at best inappropriate for her needs... and my only experience with therapy had been the school counselor at DA, who was nice and non-judgmental but didn't really seem to understand my issues much.		Her discussion of {{markup/jquote\|fat face}} and psychologists/analysts in general is a good example of her feelings towards therapy, and a large part of why none of us looked in that direction for help when we knew we needed some. It sounds like all the therapy she had experienced so far had been, not to put too fine a point on it, rather bad or at best inappropriate for her needs... and my only experience with therapy had been the school counselor at DA, who was nice and non-judgmental but didn't really seem to understand my issues much.

	~~[[Category:1980\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:1980/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:1980/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:1980/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Dates/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~

	===The Dream===		===The Dream===
	I have to clarify what Jenny wrote here, because it confused me for a long time. I never really tried to get it straightened out until now, because (as with many things) it just hurt too much to read her notes, much think about them in depth – but here's the sequence of events as I understand it now:		I have to clarify what Jenny wrote here, because it confused me for a long time. I never really tried to get it straightened out until now, because (as with many things) it just hurt too much to read her notes, much think about them in depth – but here's the sequence of events as I understand it now:
	# J was freaking out because she was having extreme difficulty motivating herself to get a particular piece of homework done		# On a certain evening, J was freaking out because she was having extreme difficulty motivating herself to get a particular piece of homework done
	# ...for a class in which she was not doing well, and was afraid she might fail...		# ...for a class in which she was not doing well, and was afraid she might fail...
	# ...and if she failed, she was afraid that her parents might {{markup/jquote\|do something drastic – like send me to Highland}}.		# ...and if she failed, she was afraid that her parents might {{markup/jquote\|do something drastic – like send me to Highland}}.
	# She was talking to an imaginary-me and asking me to tell them that she wasn't crazy (and therefore didn't need to be institutionalized).		# She was talking to an imaginary-me and asking me to tell them that she wasn't crazy (and therefore didn't need to be institutionalized).
	# She was on the verge of actually calling me and asking me to back her up, but then she somehow managed to break out of the cycle of worry and distract herself until bedtime.		# She was on the verge of actually calling me and asking me to back her up, but then she somehow managed to break out of the cycle of worry and distract herself until bedtime.
	# She then had a dream about this sequence of events.		# She then had a dream about this sequence of events, although she could no longer remember it directly.

	It was only later that I understood how shockingly justifiable Jenny's fears were.		It was only later that I understood how shockingly justifiable Jenny's fears were.
Line 115:		Line 103:

	{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"		{{markup/jquote\|But I must have been really scared to dream about it.}} Yes. I can tell you were. I'm so sorry, Jenny. We could see the lake of psychic toxins filling up around you, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wMUa3bQ8 La la la la, wading in deeper...]"

	~~[[Category:1980\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:1980/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:1980/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:1980/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Dates/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~
	~~[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]~~

	==Scans==		==Scans==
	[[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p1.adj.jpg\|600px]]		[[File:1980-11-23 jrh 009p1.adj.jpg\|600px]]
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	[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]		[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
	[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]		[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny/therapy\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:02, 9 November 2017
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	I was surprised that she found it embarrassing, or that there was some issue with me riding to meet her (two long blocks away) rather than walking. I'd never had any reason to think anyone seriously would.		I was surprised that she found it embarrassing, or that there was some issue with me riding to meet her (two long blocks away) rather than walking. I'd never had any reason to think anyone seriously would.

	I'm pretty sure "that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you" was [[../006\|Note #6]]... and I think I knew what it meant; I just didn't want to think about it, because it meant less Jenny-time. Jenny-time made me feel less terrible, sometimes even good. Less Jenny-time meant sads.		I'm pretty sure {{markup/jquote\|that one letter that seemed like garbledygook to you}} was [[../006\|Note #6]]... and I think I knew what it meant; I just didn't want to think about it, because it meant less Jenny-time. Jenny-time made me feel less terrible, sometimes even good. Less Jenny-time meant sads.

	Her discussion of "fat face" and psychologists/analysts in general is a good example of her feelings towards therapy, and a large part of why none of us looked in that direction for help when we knew we needed some. It sounds like all the therapy she had experienced so far had been, not to put too fine a point on it, rather bad or at best inappropriate for her needs... and my only experience with therapy had been the school counselor at DA, who was nice and non-judgmental but didn't really seem to understand my issues much.		Her discussion of {{markup/jquote\|fat face}} and psychologists/analysts in general is a good example of her feelings towards therapy, and a large part of why none of us looked in that direction for help when we knew we needed some. It sounds like all the therapy she had experienced so far had been, not to put too fine a point on it, rather bad or at best inappropriate for her needs... and my only experience with therapy had been the school counselor at DA, who was nice and non-judgmental but didn't really seem to understand my issues much.

			[[Category:1980\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:1980/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Dates/11/23\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Dates/11/24\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Egypt\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny/thinker elsewhere\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Jenny notes\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]
			[[Category:Months/11\|Woozle/Jenny/note/009]]

	===The Dream===		===The Dream===