User:Woozle/Childrearing - Revision history

Woozle: also more historical detail

2008-10-06T01:14:53Z

also more historical detail

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:14, 6 October 2008
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	[[Category:woozle writings]]''For a milder and less cynical version of this essay, see [[why we have kids]].''		[[Category:woozle writings]]''For a milder and less cynical version of this essay which also goes into some more historical detail, see [[why we have kids]].''

	There's something everyone should understand about me (and [[User:Harena\|Harena]], too). Despite having, between the two of us, no less than five (5) [[offspring]], neither of us wanted kids.		There's something everyone should understand about me (and [[User:Harena\|Harena]], too). Despite having, between the two of us, no less than five (5) [[offspring]], neither of us wanted kids.

Woozle: internal link to "offspring" page; preface linking to earlier, tamer version

2008-04-26T01:23:28Z

internal link to "offspring" page; preface linking to earlier, tamer version

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:23, 26 April 2008
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	[[Category:~~Essays~~]]		[[Category:woozle writings]]''For a milder and less cynical version of this essay, see [[why we have kids]].''
	There's something everyone should understand about me (and [[User:Harena\|Harena]], too). Despite having, between the two of us, no less than five (5) offspring, neither of us wanted kids.
			There's something everyone should understand about me (and [[User:Harena\|Harena]], too). Despite having, between the two of us, no less than five (5) [[offspring]], neither of us wanted kids.

	I mean, if you could think of a situation better designed to highlight our shortcomings as human beings, I'd like to hear it. We are now more-painfully-than-ever aware of our problems with:		I mean, if you could think of a situation better designed to highlight our shortcomings as human beings, I'd like to hear it. We are now more-painfully-than-ever aware of our problems with:

Woozle: some clarifications and tweaks

2008-04-11T01:10:15Z

some clarifications and tweaks

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:10, 11 April 2008
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	I mean, if you could think of a situation better designed to highlight our shortcomings as human beings, I'd like to hear it. We are now more-painfully-than-ever aware of our problems with:		I mean, if you could think of a situation better designed to highlight our shortcomings as human beings, I'd like to hear it. We are now more-painfully-than-ever aware of our problems with:
	*~~social skills~~		* interpersonal communication (e.g. [[phone phobia]])
	*being organized		* being organized
	*financial management		* financial management
	*tolerance and patience		* tolerance and patience
	*ability to take care of others		* ability to take care of others
	*being in charge		* being in charge
	*setting boundaries		* setting boundaries
	*remembering appointments		* remembering appointments
	*keeping up with reality		* keeping up with reality
	*dealing with poverty		* dealing with poverty
	*etc.		* etc.

	I know what you're thinking now. "But why did you ''have'' kids if you didn't ''want'' them?" The answer is simple: we were each individually talked into it by former spouses<sup>1</sup>. In Harena's case, said spouse promised to do the childrearing if Harena would just take care of the actual childbearing. Unfortunately, ~~their~~ ideas of childrearing were... incompatible. (That's a whole other issue I won't get into now; suffice to say that it was the straw which overrode her fear of the ~~social~~ contact ~~necessary to get~~ a lawyer.)		I know what you're thinking now: "But why did you ''have'' kids if you didn't ''want'' them?" The answer is simple: we were each individually talked into it by former spouses<sup>1</sup>. In Harena's case, said spouse promised to do the childrearing if Harena would just take care of the actual childbearing. Unfortunately, his ideas of childrearing were... incompatible with hers. (That's a whole other issue I won't get into now; suffice to say that the depth of this incompatibility was the straw which overrode her fear of the interpersonal contact necessarily involved in the process of getting a lawyer.)

	You're probably also thinking "...but now they're here and you love them, right? Don't they light up your life in little ways?" Well, maybe. Emphasis on "little". We love our various mutual kids and we hope they grow up to be much happier and better-adjusted adults than we are, and that's about the most positive thing I can say about it.		You're probably also thinking "...but now they're here and you love them, right? Don't they light up your life in little ways?" Well, maybe. Emphasis on "little". We love our various mutual kids and we hope they grow up to be much happier and better-adjusted adults than we are, and that's about the most positive thing I can say about it.

	I can't emphasize enough that having kids was so completely not a part of what we saw ourselves doing as adults. My ideas were always the only children I needed or wanted. I also have/had issues with the acts necessary to reproduce<sup>2</sup>. Taking those two together, this is not a situation I ever expected (much less planned) to find myself in. As a result, I'm more or less totally unprepared (practically and emotionally) to deal with it properly.		I can't emphasize enough that having kids was so completely not a part of what we saw ourselves doing as adults. My ''ideas'' were always the only children I needed or wanted. I also have/had issues with the acts necessary to reproduce<sup>2</sup>. Taking those two together, this is not a situation I ever expected (much less planned) to find myself in. As a result, I'm more or less totally unprepared (practically and emotionally) to deal with it properly.

	I mean, what do you do when you need to go somewhere, and you don't even have the first idea where to ask about babysitters? Plus ~~we've both got~~ severe [[~~Phone~~-phobia]]~~, so~~ "just calling around" isn't an option. In other areas of our lives, we deal with this sort of thing by using the internet, or the automated check-out lane, or buying the parts and fixing the plumbing ourselves. We avoid the social contact and the uncertainty of depending on the whims of others wherever possible. But how do you build a babysitter? Where's the K-Mart for childcare?		I mean, what do you do when you need to go somewhere, and you don't even have the first idea where to ask about babysitters? Plus severe [[phone-phobia]] means that "just calling around" (a solution frequently suggested to us) '''isn't an option'''. In other areas of our lives, we deal with this sort of thing by using the internet, or the automated check-out lane, or buying the parts and fixing the plumbing ourselves. We avoid the social contact and the uncertainty of depending on the whims of others wherever possible. ''But how do you build a babysitter? Where's the K-Mart for childcare?''

	For the people who would ban abortion while cutting social services for childcare: I'd rather have been aborted than end up this way, unable to afford to treat my own psychological issues (which you would prefer to sweep under the rug or label as evil) and unable to get assistance for raising the children we've been graced with due to not having learned how to say "no" when it mattered. Don't tell me about the wonderful genius potential of someone who would get aborted under liberal abortion laws; they're not going to get to use any of that genius potential if they spend most of their lives cleaning up poop and being afraid to make phone calls.		'''For the people who would ban abortion while cutting social services for childcare''': I'd rather have been aborted ''myself'' than end up this way, unable to afford to treat my own psychological issues (which most of you would prefer to sweep under the rug or label as evil) and unable to get assistance for raising the children we've been "graced" with due to not having learned how to say "no" when it mattered. Don't tell me about the wonderful genius potential of someone who would get aborted under liberal abortion laws; they're not going to get to use any of that genius potential if they spend most of their lives cleaning up poop and being afraid to make phone calls. '''Fuck you and the Bible you rode in on.''' (...But please be aware that when I say this, I only refer to those who claim the Bible as their source of moral authority or literal truth – ''not'' those who merely look to it for ideas and suggestions.)

	==Footnotes==		==Footnotes==
	#I can't complain so much; Harena ended up with four, one of them autistic and all with various schooling issues.		# I can't complain so much; Harena ended up with four, [[Josh\|one of them]] autistic and all with various schooling issues at one time or another.
	#Again, another story; keywords: gender dysphoria, aversion to intercourse		# Again, another story; keywords: [[gender dysphoria]], aversion to intercourse

Woozle at 23:00, 26 May 2005

2005-05-26T23:00:22Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:00, 26 May 2005
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	~~{{editing}}~~
	[[Category:Essays]]		[[Category:Essays]]
	There's something everyone should understand about me (and [[User:Harena\|Harena]], too). Despite having, between the two of us, no less than five (5) offspring, neither of us wanted kids.		There's something everyone should understand about me (and [[User:Harena\|Harena]], too). Despite having, between the two of us, no less than five (5) offspring, neither of us wanted kids.
Line 13:		Line 12:
	*remembering appointments		*remembering appointments
	*keeping up with reality		*keeping up with reality
			*dealing with poverty
	*etc.		*etc.

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	You're probably also thinking "...but now they're here and you love them, right? Don't they light up your life in little ways?" Well, maybe. Emphasis on "little". We love our various mutual kids and we hope they grow up to be much happier and better-adjusted adults than we are, and that's about the most positive thing I can say about it.		You're probably also thinking "...but now they're here and you love them, right? Don't they light up your life in little ways?" Well, maybe. Emphasis on "little". We love our various mutual kids and we hope they grow up to be much happier and better-adjusted adults than we are, and that's about the most positive thing I can say about it.

	I can't emphasize enough that having kids was so completely not a part of what we saw ourselves doing as adults.		I can't emphasize enough that having kids was so completely not a part of what we saw ourselves doing as adults. My ideas were always the only children I needed or wanted. I also have/had issues with the acts necessary to reproduce<sup>2</sup>. Taking those two together, this is not a situation I ever expected (much less planned) to find myself in. As a result, I'm more or less totally unprepared (practically and emotionally) to deal with it properly.

			I mean, what do you do when you need to go somewhere, and you don't even have the first idea where to ask about babysitters? Plus we've both got severe [[Phone-phobia]], so "just calling around" isn't an option. In other areas of our lives, we deal with this sort of thing by using the internet, or the automated check-out lane, or buying the parts and fixing the plumbing ourselves. We avoid the social contact and the uncertainty of depending on the whims of others wherever possible. But how do you build a babysitter? Where's the K-Mart for childcare?

			For the people who would ban abortion while cutting social services for childcare: I'd rather have been aborted than end up this way, unable to afford to treat my own psychological issues (which you would prefer to sweep under the rug or label as evil) and unable to get assistance for raising the children we've been graced with due to not having learned how to say "no" when it mattered. Don't tell me about the wonderful genius potential of someone who would get aborted under liberal abortion laws; they're not going to get to use any of that genius potential if they spend most of their lives cleaning up poop and being afraid to make phone calls.

	==Footnotes==		==Footnotes==
	1. I can't complain so much; Harena ended up with four, one of them autistic and all with various schooling issues.		#I can't complain so much; Harena ended up with four, one of them autistic and all with various schooling issues.
			#Again, another story; keywords: gender dysphoria, aversion to intercourse

Woozle at 22:40, 26 May 2005

2005-05-26T22:40:56Z

New page

{{editing}}
[[Category:Essays]]
There's something everyone should understand about me (and [[User:Harena|Harena]], too). Despite having, between the two of us, no less than five (5) offspring, neither of us wanted kids.

I mean, if you could think of a situation better designed to highlight our shortcomings as human beings, I'd like to hear it. We are now more-painfully-than-ever aware of our problems with:
*social skills
*being organized
*financial management
*tolerance and patience
*ability to take care of others
*being in charge
*setting boundaries
*remembering appointments
*keeping up with reality
*etc.

I know what you're thinking now. "But why did you ''have'' kids if you didn't ''want'' them?" The answer is simple: we were each individually talked into it by former spouses<sup>1</sup>. In Harena's case, said spouse promised to do the childrearing if Harena would just take care of the actual childbearing. Unfortunately, their ideas of childrearing were... incompatible. (That's a whole other issue I won't get into now; suffice to say that it was the straw which overrode her fear of the social contact necessary to get a lawyer.)

You're probably also thinking "...but now they're here and you love them, right? Don't they light up your life in little ways?" Well, maybe. Emphasis on "little". We love our various mutual kids and we hope they grow up to be much happier and better-adjusted adults than we are, and that's about the most positive thing I can say about it.

I can't emphasize enough that having kids was so completely not a part of what we saw ourselves doing as adults.

==Footnotes==
1. I can't complain so much; Harena ended up with four, one of them autistic and all with various schooling issues.