Store Trek/ideas - Revision history

Woozle at 17:29, 15 November 2024

2024-11-15T17:29:24Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:29, 15 November 2024
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	The House of Mur'Dokh runs the very powerful and ruthless Faukhs School of Informational Training (Motto: "Fairness, Balance, and a Solid Boot to the Head"), in a close alliance with patrons House of Kokh.		The House of Mur'Dokh runs the very powerful and ruthless Faukhs School of Informational Training (Motto: "Fairness, Balance, and a Solid Boot to the Head"), in a close alliance with patrons House of Kokh.
	===~~The~~ Corp===		===the Corp===
	You too will be acquired.		You too will be acquired.

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	* a Hulkan: "You humans are most unphysiological."		* a Hulkan: "You humans are most unphysiological."
	* J. Clerk: "K'Pau... all of Hulkan in one person."		* J. Clerk: "K'Pau... all of Hulkan in one person."
			===the LGBTQ Continuum===
			A shadowy race of omniscient beings who control all time and space and will turn your kids gay or trans on a whim. They determine the official gay ''and'' trans agendas.
	===Organicans===		===Organicans===
	A mysterious race that maintains an appearance of being extremely low-tech while in fact possessing advanced agricultural technology. One day, the Corporation will evolve to the mental level of the Organicans, and become sustainable. Until then, the Organicans occasionally intervene in ecological crises.		A mysterious race that maintains an appearance of being extremely low-tech while in fact possessing advanced agricultural technology. One day, the Corporation will evolve to the mental level of the Organicans, and become sustainable. Until then, the Organicans occasionally intervene in ecological crises.

Woozle: /* Misc. */

2024-05-26T21:51:00Z

Misc.

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:51, 26 May 2024
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	** May the sales force be with you.		** May the sales force be with you.
	** Darth Mall		** Darth Mall

			The Hitchhiker's Guide to Humanity, 2024 ed.?
			<blockquote>
			Other animals specialize in fighty, flighty, and bitey stuff. Humans, being primarily a social animal, specialize in empathic communication.

			Sadly, some humans are less good at this, and secretly wish it would go away.</blockquote>[https://toot.cat/@woozle/112509433189112649]

	==Monologue==		==Monologue==

Woozle: /* Episodes */

2023-11-13T02:01:13Z

Episodes

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:01, 13 November 2023
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	** Unable to withstand this ordeal, the ship's Legal Engineering Department works out a solution: by reversing the polarity of the campaign contribution flux, all enemy ships are forced to lower their shields as well. Negotiations ensue, and the ''Private Enterprise'' is allowed to resume defending itself -- just in time to save Storebase 37 from a sneak-attack by the Regulons. Mr. Stock, for his role in saving countless millions of dollars, is issued a combined pardon and gag order.		** Unable to withstand this ordeal, the ship's Legal Engineering Department works out a solution: by reversing the polarity of the campaign contribution flux, all enemy ships are forced to lower their shields as well. Negotiations ensue, and the ''Private Enterprise'' is allowed to resume defending itself -- just in time to save Storebase 37 from a sneak-attack by the Regulons. Mr. Stock, for his role in saving countless millions of dollars, is issued a combined pardon and gag order.
	* '''[[/Amok Crime]]'''		* '''[[/Amok Crime]]'''
			* [[/Mysterious New Worlds]]

Woozle: /* Episodes */

2020-01-13T17:50:08Z

Episodes

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:50, 13 January 2020
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	* '''What No-one Has Sold Before''': While mapping a previously unknown area of the economy, the ''Private Enterprise'' is caught in a microtrading storm and two crewmen receive anonymous insider tips which give them strange powers, threatening the safety of 3Q earnings. Among these powers is a mysterious ability to repackage worthless mortgages as valuable "structured investment vehicles".		* '''What No-one Has Sold Before''': While mapping a previously unknown area of the economy, the ''Private Enterprise'' is caught in a microtrading storm and two crewmen receive anonymous insider tips which give them strange powers, threatening the safety of 3Q earnings. Among these powers is a mysterious ability to repackage worthless mortgages as valuable "structured investment vehicles".
	* '''Capital on the Edge of Forever''': Exploring the uncharted fiscal cliffs at the edges of known finance, the ship is rocked by distortions in the market which appear to be artificial in origin. The distortions prevent the ship's spin drive from operating, and the crew is forced to investigate the source of the disturbance. Upon beaming into the apparent source of the disturbance, they discover a strange artifact -- called a "library" -- which records all of known history, and will allow anyone to access those records... for free. [crew is shocked; cut to commercial] The artifact, when asked, reveals that the "fiscal cliffs" are actually a psychic projection intended to keep humanity from doing anything really stupid just to make a political point. Mr. Stock uses the Velveeta Mind Melt to enable the bridge crew to navigate through the illusion, whereupon they discover an old man named Obi-Wan Bernanke who convinces them that the illusion must be maintained for the greater good of the economy. The crew return and fire fundon torpedoes at the artifact until its budget is slashed and it is forced to close. Clerk concludes that there are some things the market was not meant to know, and that capital is meant to be invested in ventures with a profitable return rather than being left to sit for all eternity providing free services to moochers.		* '''Capital on the Edge of Forever''': Exploring the uncharted fiscal cliffs at the edges of known finance, the ship is rocked by distortions in the market which appear to be artificial in origin. The distortions prevent the ship's spin drive from operating, and the crew is forced to investigate the source of the disturbance. Upon beaming into the apparent source of the disturbance, they discover a strange artifact -- called a "library" -- which records all of known history, and will allow anyone to access those records... for free. [crew is shocked; cut to commercial] The artifact, when asked, reveals that the "fiscal cliffs" are actually a psychic projection intended to keep humanity from doing anything really stupid just to make a political point. Mr. Stock uses the Velveeta Mind Melt to enable the bridge crew to navigate through the illusion, whereupon they discover an old man named Obi-Wan Bernanke who convinces them that the illusion must be maintained for the greater good of the economy. The crew return and fire fundon torpedoes at the artifact until its budget is slashed and it is forced to close. Clerk concludes that there are some things the market was not meant to know, and that capital is meant to be invested in ventures with a profitable return rather than being left to sit for all eternity providing free services to moochers.
			** If at all possible, there should be some kind of mashup involving Deep Thought
	* '''Is There in Truth No Profit?''': A disaster has befallen the Alpha Solyndra colony; the ''Private Enterprise'' is deployed to use its mighty spin drive to accelerate public misunderstanding of the government-funded colonization process, which risks the formation of uncontrolled consumer vortices. Storefleet considers it vital to maximize distrust of "big government" initiatives in order to further support for perks to private business and maintain control over all consumer spending. Upon further investigation, it is found the the colony's failure was not due to mismanagement, but rather because of an unexpected surge in localized marketron radiation which prevented the colony from exporting goods. Upon reporting to Storefleet Command, Clerk is told to "nuke them from high orbit" in order to set an example. Mr. Stock suggests instead using the distractor beams to reframe the system's stellar narrative. From a distance, the colony will be invisible, allowing Clerk to tell Storefleet that the danger has been removed, while the colony itself will continue its research efforts to find more viable exports.		* '''Is There in Truth No Profit?''': A disaster has befallen the Alpha Solyndra colony; the ''Private Enterprise'' is deployed to use its mighty spin drive to accelerate public misunderstanding of the government-funded colonization process, which risks the formation of uncontrolled consumer vortices. Storefleet considers it vital to maximize distrust of "big government" initiatives in order to further support for perks to private business and maintain control over all consumer spending. Upon further investigation, it is found the the colony's failure was not due to mismanagement, but rather because of an unexpected surge in localized marketron radiation which prevented the colony from exporting goods. Upon reporting to Storefleet Command, Clerk is told to "nuke them from high orbit" in order to set an example. Mr. Stock suggests instead using the distractor beams to reframe the system's stellar narrative. From a distance, the colony will be invisible, allowing Clerk to tell Storefleet that the danger has been removed, while the colony itself will continue its research efforts to find more viable exports.
	* '''The Petrolian Web'''		* '''The Petrolian Web'''

Woozle: /* Misc. */ Store Wars

2019-11-02T16:47:34Z

Misc.: Store Wars

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:47, 2 November 2019
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	** The ''USS Aren't-erprise''		** The ''USS Aren't-erprise''
	** The People's Republic of Planets		** The People's Republic of Planets
			* '''crossover''' - Store Wars
			** May the sales force be with you.
			** Darth Mall

	==Monologue==		==Monologue==

Woozle: /* Episodes */ Amok Crime needed its own page for presentation purposes

2017-09-21T21:36:50Z

Episodes: Amok Crime needed its own page for presentation purposes

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:36, 21 September 2017
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	* '''[[/Court Partial]]''': In an unexpected change of policy, the Corporation Supreme Board determines that phasers are a form of protected speech. Storefleet Command therefore orders the ''Private Enterprise'' to cease raising its shields when fired upon. Mr. Stock violates this order, is tried for treason against the Profit, and (as part of his defense) forces the court and ship's command crew to watch old sci-fi B-movies for 2 hours.		* '''[[/Court Partial]]''': In an unexpected change of policy, the Corporation Supreme Board determines that phasers are a form of protected speech. Storefleet Command therefore orders the ''Private Enterprise'' to cease raising its shields when fired upon. Mr. Stock violates this order, is tried for treason against the Profit, and (as part of his defense) forces the court and ship's command crew to watch old sci-fi B-movies for 2 hours.
	** Unable to withstand this ordeal, the ship's Legal Engineering Department works out a solution: by reversing the polarity of the campaign contribution flux, all enemy ships are forced to lower their shields as well. Negotiations ensue, and the ''Private Enterprise'' is allowed to resume defending itself -- just in time to save Storebase 37 from a sneak-attack by the Regulons. Mr. Stock, for his role in saving countless millions of dollars, is issued a combined pardon and gag order.		** Unable to withstand this ordeal, the ship's Legal Engineering Department works out a solution: by reversing the polarity of the campaign contribution flux, all enemy ships are forced to lower their shields as well. Negotiations ensue, and the ''Private Enterprise'' is allowed to resume defending itself -- just in time to save Storebase 37 from a sneak-attack by the Regulons. Mr. Stock, for his role in saving countless millions of dollars, is issued a combined pardon and gag order.
	* '''Amok Crime''': Mr. Stock, who is half-Hulkan, begins inexplicably beating up other members of the crew, claiming they attacked him first. When surveillance video is played showing that he is wrong, Stock accuses Captain Clerk of "fostering an atmosphere of distrust" amongst the crew and demands an apology from those he attacked, insisting that he was only concerned about integrity in the ship-building industry and outraged that he is now being "censored" for expressing himself freely.		* '''[[/Amok Crime]]'''
	** When Dr. DeCoy ("Dammit, Jim, I'm a hologram, not a doctor!") investigates and discovers that Mr. Stock's biological portfolio has become saturated with mansplainin, a hormone unique to Hulkans, Mr. Stock backs down and apologizes for the fact that other people were offended by his actions, admitting that he appears to have been suffering from "Gon Farr" -- a condition which causes members of his species to exceed their authority, blame others for their own actions, and get away with it. It occurs in all Hulkan males every seven years or whenever they have a really bad day, and necessitates return to the home planet for treatment in order to prevent accountability. Mr. Stock accordingly requests a leave of absence for therapy under the supervision of Hulkan physical fitness legend K'Pau.
	** "Therapy" in this case turns out to consist of beating up members of other species until the sufferer feels better, in a ceremony known as the "Coon-Hunt-Pur-if-fie". (This ceremony takes place in the ancient ruins of GamerGate, a once-great city destroyed by government corruption. No, really. It had nothing to do with self-appointed city guardians going around threatening bodily harm to anyone who questioned their right to go around threatening bodily harm. History books simply cannot explain why people stopped wanting to live there; it's a huge mystery.)
	** Unfortunately, due to increasingly affordable interstellar travel, there is a shortage of volunteers for the ritual; Captain Clerk offers himself in order to save the career of his CFO -- but unfortunately, as the ritual proceeds, it becomes clear that Clerk has underestimated the strength and obliviousness of a fully pumped-up Hulkan deep in the state of Flak Blow, and begins to tire. Fortunately Dr. DeCoy is able to slip Clerk a media player featuring historical broadcasts from Fox News, which quickly causes Clerk to lapse into a state of apparent brain-death, satisfying Stock's inbred Hulkan need to triumph over smaller and weaker creatures.

Woozle: /* Misc. */ alternate universe

2015-10-20T18:28:05Z

Misc.: alternate universe

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:28, 20 October 2015
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	* inorite -- valuable mineral needed for spin drives		* inorite -- valuable mineral needed for spin drives
	* irony sensors		* irony sensors
			* '''alternate universe''':
			** The ''USS Aren't-erprise''
			** The People's Republic of Planets

	==Monologue==		==Monologue==

Woozle: some bits & pieces

2015-09-12T01:32:22Z

some bits & pieces

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:32, 12 September 2015
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	* "WE ARE THE ADDLEKS! WE ARE THE SUPERIOR... OH HEY LOOK AT THAT BUTTERFLY!"		* "WE ARE THE ADDLEKS! WE ARE THE SUPERIOR... OH HEY LOOK AT THAT BUTTERFLY!"
	* "DISTRACTIVATE! DISTRACTIVATE!"		* "DISTRACTIVATE! DISTRACTIVATE!"
			===Blingons===
			''I don't know if this stuff will all work out, but some should be usable.''

			A race of self-identified social warriors, they are often easily confused about who they are supposed to be helping and frequently end up helping themselves instead of others. "Today is a good day to buy!"

			The Blingon homeworld is ruled by semi-feudal Houses:
			* House of Kokh
			* House of Mur'Dokh
			* House of Klin'tonn
			* House of B'hush

			The House of Mur'Dokh runs the very powerful and ruthless Faukhs School of Informational Training (Motto: "Fairness, Balance, and a Solid Boot to the Head"), in a close alliance with patrons House of Kokh.
	===The Corp===		===The Corp===
	You too will be acquired.		You too will be acquired.
Line 50:		Line 62:
	==Characters==		==Characters==
	* Crew:		* Crew:
	** '''~~Lieutenant~~ Obama''', communications officer		** '''Captain Clerk'''
	** '''Dr. DeCoy''' -- ~~holographic~~ medical ~~assistant (~~Dammit, Jim, I'm a hologram, not a doctor! / I'm not a doctor, but I play one in 3d~~) and can~~ only offer brand-driven medical advice, not actual treatment		** '''Mr. Stock''', first officer - a Hulkan
	** '''Mr. Welf''', ship's ~~Political Correctness Officer~~, is a social justice warrior of the Blingon race; there will be an episode in which he is discommended from the House of Kokh for actually doing his job		** '''Lt. Obama''', communications officer
			** '''Lt. Mulu''', financial navigation and wealth management officer; CEO of Helm Trust
			** '''Dr. DeCoy''' -- temporary medical hologram
			*** "Dammit, Jim, I'm a hologram, not a doctor! / I'm not a doctor, but I play one in 3d."
			*** Can only offer brand-driven medical advice, not actual treatment.
			** '''Mr. Welf''', ship's political correctness officer, is a social justice warrior of the Blingon race; there will be an episode in which he is discommended from the House of Kokh for actually doing his job
	*** (Most of what he says is actually very sensible, but everyone else usually ignores him or makes fun of him.)		*** (Most of what he says is actually very sensible, but everyone else usually ignores him or makes fun of him.)
	==Misc.==		==Misc.==
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	* '''The Doomsday Equation''': While studying strange stock fluctuations in the Black-Scholes Nebula, the ''Private Enterprise'' comes across the shelled-out hulk of the ''USS Economy'' (NSF 404), with one survivor aboard -- its commander, Commodore Madoff. He is in anguish over the fate of his staff, all of whom have been financially ruined, on his advice. Determined to redeem himself, he takes command of the ''Private Enterprise'' while Captain Clerk is assisting with repairs to the ''Economy'' and attempts to use the same tactics that destroyed his own ship and crew.		* '''The Doomsday Equation''': While studying strange stock fluctuations in the Black-Scholes Nebula, the ''Private Enterprise'' comes across the shelled-out hulk of the ''USS Economy'' (NSF 404), with one survivor aboard -- its commander, Commodore Madoff. He is in anguish over the fate of his staff, all of whom have been financially ruined, on his advice. Determined to redeem himself, he takes command of the ''Private Enterprise'' while Captain Clerk is assisting with repairs to the ''Economy'' and attempts to use the same tactics that destroyed his own ship and crew.
	* '''What No-one Has Sold Before''': While mapping a previously unknown area of the economy, the ''Private Enterprise'' is caught in a microtrading storm and two crewmen receive anonymous insider tips which give them strange powers, threatening the safety of 3Q earnings. Among these powers is a mysterious ability to repackage worthless mortgages as valuable "structured investment vehicles".		* '''What No-one Has Sold Before''': While mapping a previously unknown area of the economy, the ''Private Enterprise'' is caught in a microtrading storm and two crewmen receive anonymous insider tips which give them strange powers, threatening the safety of 3Q earnings. Among these powers is a mysterious ability to repackage worthless mortgages as valuable "structured investment vehicles".
	* '''Capital on the Edge of Forever''': Exploring the uncharted fiscal cliffs at the edges of known finance, the ship is rocked by distortions in the market which appear to be artificial in origin. The distortions prevent the ship's spin drive from operating, and the crew is forced to investigate the source of the disturbance. Upon beaming ~~down~~, they discover a strange artifact -- called a "library" -- which records all of known history, and will allow anyone to access those records... for free. [crew is shocked; cut to commercial] The artifact, when asked, reveals that the "fiscal cliffs" are actually a psychic projection intended to keep humanity from doing anything really stupid just to make a political point. Mr. Stock uses the Velveeta Mind Melt to enable the bridge crew to navigate through the illusion, whereupon they discover an old man named Obi-Wan Bernanke who convinces them that the illusion must be maintained for the greater good of the economy. The crew return and fire fundon torpedoes at the artifact until its budget is slashed and it is forced to close. Clerk concludes that there are some things the market was not meant to know, and that capital is meant to be invested in ventures with a profitable return rather than being left to sit for all eternity providing free services to moochers.		* '''Capital on the Edge of Forever''': Exploring the uncharted fiscal cliffs at the edges of known finance, the ship is rocked by distortions in the market which appear to be artificial in origin. The distortions prevent the ship's spin drive from operating, and the crew is forced to investigate the source of the disturbance. Upon beaming into the apparent source of the disturbance, they discover a strange artifact -- called a "library" -- which records all of known history, and will allow anyone to access those records... for free. [crew is shocked; cut to commercial] The artifact, when asked, reveals that the "fiscal cliffs" are actually a psychic projection intended to keep humanity from doing anything really stupid just to make a political point. Mr. Stock uses the Velveeta Mind Melt to enable the bridge crew to navigate through the illusion, whereupon they discover an old man named Obi-Wan Bernanke who convinces them that the illusion must be maintained for the greater good of the economy. The crew return and fire fundon torpedoes at the artifact until its budget is slashed and it is forced to close. Clerk concludes that there are some things the market was not meant to know, and that capital is meant to be invested in ventures with a profitable return rather than being left to sit for all eternity providing free services to moochers.
	* '''Is There in Truth No Profit?''': A disaster has befallen the Alpha Solyndra colony; the ''Private Enterprise'' is deployed to use its mighty spin drive to accelerate public misunderstanding of the government-funded colonization process, which risks the formation of uncontrolled consumer vortices. Storefleet considers it vital to maximize distrust of "big government" initiatives in order to further support for perks to private business and maintain control over all consumer spending. Upon further investigation, it is found the the colony's failure was not due to mismanagement, but rather because of an unexpected surge in localized marketron radiation which prevented the colony from exporting goods. Upon reporting to Storefleet Command, Clerk is told to "nuke them from high orbit" in order to set an example. Mr. Stock suggests instead using the distractor beams to reframe the system's stellar narrative. From a distance, the colony will be invisible, allowing Clerk to tell Storefleet that the danger has been removed, while the colony itself will continue its research efforts to find more viable exports.		* '''Is There in Truth No Profit?''': A disaster has befallen the Alpha Solyndra colony; the ''Private Enterprise'' is deployed to use its mighty spin drive to accelerate public misunderstanding of the government-funded colonization process, which risks the formation of uncontrolled consumer vortices. Storefleet considers it vital to maximize distrust of "big government" initiatives in order to further support for perks to private business and maintain control over all consumer spending. Upon further investigation, it is found the the colony's failure was not due to mismanagement, but rather because of an unexpected surge in localized marketron radiation which prevented the colony from exporting goods. Upon reporting to Storefleet Command, Clerk is told to "nuke them from high orbit" in order to set an example. Mr. Stock suggests instead using the distractor beams to reframe the system's stellar narrative. From a distance, the colony will be invisible, allowing Clerk to tell Storefleet that the danger has been removed, while the colony itself will continue its research efforts to find more viable exports.
	* '''The Petrolian Web'''		* '''The Petrolian Web'''
Line 72:		Line 89:
	* '''[[/Court Partial]]''': In an unexpected change of policy, the Corporation Supreme Board determines that phasers are a form of protected speech. Storefleet Command therefore orders the ''Private Enterprise'' to cease raising its shields when fired upon. Mr. Stock violates this order, is tried for treason against the Profit, and (as part of his defense) forces the court and ship's command crew to watch old sci-fi B-movies for 2 hours.		* '''[[/Court Partial]]''': In an unexpected change of policy, the Corporation Supreme Board determines that phasers are a form of protected speech. Storefleet Command therefore orders the ''Private Enterprise'' to cease raising its shields when fired upon. Mr. Stock violates this order, is tried for treason against the Profit, and (as part of his defense) forces the court and ship's command crew to watch old sci-fi B-movies for 2 hours.
	** Unable to withstand this ordeal, the ship's Legal Engineering Department works out a solution: by reversing the polarity of the campaign contribution flux, all enemy ships are forced to lower their shields as well. Negotiations ensue, and the ''Private Enterprise'' is allowed to resume defending itself -- just in time to save Storebase 37 from a sneak-attack by the Regulons. Mr. Stock, for his role in saving countless millions of dollars, is issued a combined pardon and gag order.		** Unable to withstand this ordeal, the ship's Legal Engineering Department works out a solution: by reversing the polarity of the campaign contribution flux, all enemy ships are forced to lower their shields as well. Negotiations ensue, and the ''Private Enterprise'' is allowed to resume defending itself -- just in time to save Storebase 37 from a sneak-attack by the Regulons. Mr. Stock, for his role in saving countless millions of dollars, is issued a combined pardon and gag order.
	* '''Amok Crime''': Mr. Stock, who is half-Hulkan, begins inexplicably beating up other members of the crew, claiming they attacked him first. When surveillance video is played showing that he is wrong, Stock accuses Captain Clerk of "fostering an atmosphere of distrust" amongst the crew and demands an apology from those he attacked.		* '''Amok Crime''': Mr. Stock, who is half-Hulkan, begins inexplicably beating up other members of the crew, claiming they attacked him first. When surveillance video is played showing that he is wrong, Stock accuses Captain Clerk of "fostering an atmosphere of distrust" amongst the crew and demands an apology from those he attacked, insisting that he was only concerned about integrity in the ship-building industry and outraged that he is now being "censored" for expressing himself freely.
	** When Dr. DeCoy ("Dammit, Jim, I'm a hologram, not a doctor!") investigates and discovers that Mr. Stock's biological portfolio has become saturated with mansplainin, a hormone unique to Hulkans, Mr. Stock backs down and apologizes for the fact that other people were offended by his actions, admitting that he appears to have been suffering from "Gon Farr" -- a condition which causes members of his species to exceed their authority, blame others for their own actions, and get away with it. It occurs in all Hulkan males every seven years or whenever they have a really bad day, and necessitates return to the home planet for treatment in order to prevent accountability. Mr. Stock accordingly requests a leave of absence for therapy under the supervision of Hulkan physical fitness legend K'Pau.		** When Dr. DeCoy ("Dammit, Jim, I'm a hologram, not a doctor!") investigates and discovers that Mr. Stock's biological portfolio has become saturated with mansplainin, a hormone unique to Hulkans, Mr. Stock backs down and apologizes for the fact that other people were offended by his actions, admitting that he appears to have been suffering from "Gon Farr" -- a condition which causes members of his species to exceed their authority, blame others for their own actions, and get away with it. It occurs in all Hulkan males every seven years or whenever they have a really bad day, and necessitates return to the home planet for treatment in order to prevent accountability. Mr. Stock accordingly requests a leave of absence for therapy under the supervision of Hulkan physical fitness legend K'Pau.
	** "Therapy" in this case turns out to consist of beating up members of other species until the sufferer feels better, in a ceremony known as the "Coon-Hunt-Pur-if-fie". (This ceremony takes place in the ancient ruins of GamerGate, a once-great city destroyed by ~~industry~~ corruption. No, really. It had nothing to do with self-appointed city guardians going around threatening bodily harm to anyone who questioned their right to go around threatening bodily harm. History books simply cannot explain why people stopped wanting to live there; it's a huge mystery.?)		** "Therapy" in this case turns out to consist of beating up members of other species until the sufferer feels better, in a ceremony known as the "Coon-Hunt-Pur-if-fie". (This ceremony takes place in the ancient ruins of GamerGate, a once-great city destroyed by government corruption. No, really. It had nothing to do with self-appointed city guardians going around threatening bodily harm to anyone who questioned their right to go around threatening bodily harm. History books simply cannot explain why people stopped wanting to live there; it's a huge mystery.)
	** Unfortunately, due to increasingly affordable interstellar travel, there is a shortage of volunteers; Captain Clerk offers ~~to take their place~~ in order to save the career of his CFO -- but unfortunately, Clerk has underestimated the strength and obliviousness of a fully pumped-up Hulkan deep in the state of Flak Blow, and begins to tire. Fortunately Dr. DeCoy is able to slip Clerk a media player featuring historical broadcasts from Fox News, which quickly causes Clerk to lapse into a state of apparent brain-death, satisfying Stock's inbred Hulkan need to ~~truimph~~ over smaller and weaker creatures.		** Unfortunately, due to increasingly affordable interstellar travel, there is a shortage of volunteers for the ritual; Captain Clerk offers himself in order to save the career of his CFO -- but unfortunately, as the ritual proceeds, it becomes clear that Clerk has underestimated the strength and obliviousness of a fully pumped-up Hulkan deep in the state of Flak Blow, and begins to tire. Fortunately Dr. DeCoy is able to slip Clerk a media player featuring historical broadcasts from Fox News, which quickly causes Clerk to lapse into a state of apparent brain-death, satisfying Stock's inbred Hulkan need to triumph over smaller and weaker creatures.

Woozle: /* Misc. */ Mr. Welf

2015-09-12T01:07:10Z

Misc.: Mr. Welf

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:07, 12 September 2015
Line 48:		Line 48:
	* USS Nonprofit - NSS 501C3		* USS Nonprofit - NSS 501C3
	* USS Ralph - NSS 124C41		* USS Ralph - NSS 124C41
			==Characters==
			* Crew:
			** '''Lieutenant Obama''', communications officer
			** '''Dr. DeCoy''' -- holographic medical assistant (Dammit, Jim, I'm a hologram, not a doctor! / I'm not a doctor, but I play one in 3d) and can only offer brand-driven medical advice, not actual treatment
			** '''Mr. Welf''', ship's Political Correctness Officer, is a social justice warrior of the Blingon race; there will be an episode in which he is discommended from the House of Kokh for actually doing his job
			*** (Most of what he says is actually very sensible, but everyone else usually ignores him or makes fun of him.)
	==Misc.==		==Misc.==
	* Lieutenant Obama, communications officer?
	* Storefleet Command actually considers the mission of the Private Enterprise to be irrelevant, but pretends otherwise		* Storefleet Command actually considers the mission of the Private Enterprise to be irrelevant, but pretends otherwise
	** Frequently cutting crew benefits - Dr. DeCoy ~~is a hologram (Dammit, Jim, I'm a hologram, not a doctor! / I'm not a doctor, but I play one in 3d~~) ~~and can only offer brand-driven medical advice, not actual treatment~~		** Frequently cutting crew benefits (e.g. replacing actual doctor with Dr. DeCoy)
	* "Shields losing integrity -- going hypocritical, Captain!"		* "Shields losing integrity -- going hypocritical, Captain!"
	* inorite -- valuable mineral needed for spin drives		* inorite -- valuable mineral needed for spin drives
	* irony ~~meters~~		* irony sensors

	==Monologue==		==Monologue==

Woozle: /* Misc. */ inorite, irony meters

2015-01-04T23:22:22Z

Misc.: inorite, irony meters

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:22, 4 January 2015
Line 53:		Line 53:
	** Frequently cutting crew benefits - Dr. DeCoy is a hologram (Dammit, Jim, I'm a hologram, not a doctor! / I'm not a doctor, but I play one in 3d) and can only offer brand-driven medical advice, not actual treatment		** Frequently cutting crew benefits - Dr. DeCoy is a hologram (Dammit, Jim, I'm a hologram, not a doctor! / I'm not a doctor, but I play one in 3d) and can only offer brand-driven medical advice, not actual treatment
	* "Shields losing integrity -- going hypocritical, Captain!"		* "Shields losing integrity -- going hypocritical, Captain!"
			* inorite -- valuable mineral needed for spin drives
			* irony meters

	==Monologue==		==Monologue==
	'''Profit''' - the finance frontier. These are the ventures of the storeship ''Private Enterprise''. Its five-year tax write-off: to seek out new wealth, and new monetization... to boldly sell what no-one has wanted before!		'''Profit''' - the finance frontier. These are the ventures of the storeship ''Private Enterprise''. Its five-year tax write-off: to seek out new wealth, and new monetization... to boldly sell what no-one has wanted before!